Wednesday, April 25, 2007
i havent been blogging for so log, the last one was yonks ago. this is mainly for a few reasons. firstly laziness, busy-ness and finally him. Its like my life on repeat. When find myself and someone i can rely on and lean on, i totally forget about blog/diaries wtv. ITs like blogs or diaries are my substitute for love. HA! alternatively its that person that becomes my all.
in that case it seems silly for me to be typing right? i mean we are both mutually attracted/like/thinking about/need /want each other... the problem is once again distance. I hate it, this is the second time it happened with X. I mean wtf. its like case of the roving nincompoop. like although in that case i did use it as an excuse! by that point it was silly our one year long dist relationship was just plain bad. And i just wanted to end his misery, short and clean cut. It hurt him bad, he doesnt stop telling me about how his weight dropped etc... but hey it affected me too. my other posts when i talk about someone and how i was attached and when i go into my freakky emotional rants they were about him.
So what do you know !?!? the same reason i broke up with X now lead me to break up with ( hm cant use X no more, how abt G)
G. Once again im shaken up quite badly.. U alwasy forget how pyschologically stable it feels to be with someone and the fact that now your alone again makes everything feel horrible. And me being the heap of mess i am, have bawled my eyes out.The worst thing is i become a pathetic quivering piece of female that wants to keep wanting to calling/msging/emsging him. which isnt like me at all.. its like i want most what i cant have. another point here is when i talk to him now i feel the cold change, but G still mantains he has the same feelings for me. its just sepreation. seperation my arse. i want to be back together secure in the cuddly feeling of love!! i dont care about the reality of the situation! i just wanna be short-minded, and be happy NOW!
Its hard! parts of me know that its prolly the best way. and since ive done it b4 i can say that it is the only way , and shit it hurts. Y do i always let myself get pulled into this things.. and cause so much tears on my part. im quite silly arent i...i keep thinking about snippets of conversations that we had. Random moments, songs, everything keeps popping up in my head.
its disgusting.
you get over a person in half the time you go out with him . so that gives me almost a month.
yup we were close to our 2 month.fck. this is for the best.. i know.
but theres the holiday question which is in 2 months, and ill see him again.... gawd my life in complicated.. i cant even clean my room up or get to breakfasyt b4 it shuts . how can i be in control of my emotional being?!??!
i keep telling myself to get a grip ..... i am a fool for setting myself up for this.
All i can say is i knew it, i knew this would happen eventually and yet i flung myself into it. fck. i cant wait till the holidays i suppose. but then again. i dunno
mixed feelings about it.
one thing, i have to get a grip of myself.
i disgust myself.
