Wednesday, September 08, 2010
i take pride in my soul. its MY inner being and its so sacred and intense i refuse to share it with anyone, its my place. for me and god. he comes and visits sometimes and we chill a little, he keeps a drawer there. But mainly its my being in a nutshell, anything that violates it kills me. I had the worst convo with my mother about selling myself, no not like that. as in inflating the truth about myself, making myself sound better tooting my own horn. wtvs. NOT FOR A JOB. no for money from the family. She is wrecked with fear for them, and she is so worried and so stressed. I need to change the emphasis of me telling them i have an internship, and its whereabout etc. Am i telling them what i plan to spend the summer doing? OR what my hours will be like, what my pay, what i am going to be doing, or where im going, what company..... NO. the emphasis is WOOW ARENT I SPRECIAL. i got SELECTED from everyone, to work at this amazing (name not needed) place, and it would be sooooo special and i am so smart and great. and how it was competitive etc . I thought they would be happy because its something i want, not that i am so smart rah rah rah. i suppose thats included, or even assumed :)
This is not the first time, maybe i was under the impression that they cared for me? Why did i think it mattered to them? i could be going over to sell my body and they wouldnt blink an eyelid i suppose. well they wouldnt ask what i was doing. more oh yes got selected. very special indeed.
