Still unpicking the stitch

new year new day 2011.

2011-01-18T00:07:00.002+11:00

So im now 22 . its now 2011.

this blog goes way back, and i am probably not going to ever right in it again, so this is, Today, MY last post. A new blog may surface in the near future, but this chapter of my life is finished,
high school.. teen drama.. love drama.. fmaily drama .. Uni. more uni and all that jazz.

Not to say this is the end and everything is a happy ever after, but this will now be an archive of what ive been through, what ive seen, how ive felt and how i coped with everything that was tossed my way. I dont think i neccesarily made lemonade with the lemons, i know for a fact that the sadist in me probably even squuezed lemon juice in my eyes and as all women ( yes i am now a woman.) do, i wallowed in pity and misery and made it out like the whole world was against me.

Sometimes when i reread my past blogs i think about how it makes me feel know, knowing how i felt then, reme,bering the raw emotions but mostly how i stupid or how short lived or on the rare occasion how insightful i am/was. So this is what it will be for you, whoever you are, and whenever you may happen to find this. This covers a huge portion of my life, and ive put it here online for me to tell you ( or anyone) things i may not have neccesarily said in real life. So lets keep it that way, now youve found a abyss of random musings by me, and you can read it you choose, or leave it if it bores you.( lets face it im no hannah montana, hahaha reference of the year so far) But there is no need to tell me, most likely ive put it here and not told you for a reason, in that i want something to be known but not nessecarily told. ( and i belive thats the secret of these 100 truths and questions and quizes online..).
So happy reading. and see you on the flipside.x

selling your soul

2010-09-08T01:31:00.002+10:00

i take pride in my soul. its MY inner being and its so sacred and intense i refuse to share it with anyone, its my place. for me and god. he comes and visits sometimes and we chill a little, he keeps a drawer there. But mainly its my being in a nutshell, anything that violates it kills me. I had the worst convo with my mother about selling myself, no not like that. as in inflating the truth about myself, making myself sound better tooting my own horn. wtvs. NOT FOR A JOB. no for money from the family. She is wrecked with fear for them, and she is so worried and so stressed. I need to change the emphasis of me telling them i have an internship, and its whereabout etc. Am i telling them what i plan to spend the summer doing? OR what my hours will be like, what my pay, what i am going to be doing, or where im going, what company..... NO. the emphasis is WOOW ARENT I SPRECIAL. i got SELECTED from everyone, to work at this amazing (name not needed) place, and it would be sooooo special and i am so smart and great. and how it was competitive etc . I thought they would be happy because its something i want, not that i am so smart rah rah rah. i suppose thats included, or even assumed :)

This is not the first time, maybe i was under the impression that they cared for me? Why did i think it mattered to them? i could be going over to sell my body and they wouldnt blink an eyelid i suppose. well they wouldnt ask what i was doing. more oh yes got selected. very special indeed.

and we are back in business

2009-09-05T12:43:00.002+10:00

so its been so long.
and what have i been doing you ask? ive been having the time of my life,
too busy for recollections, too busy for blogs. too busy for homework! urk..
i think thats the problem. i need to catch myself. i need to catch my breath, look at the stars, and appreciate my life.
ive been so caught up in a morally grey area. when i mean grey .. i mean most people will probably say its in the black area.. but then it aint so simple so it become grey.

The question on everyones mind, am i falling for him? and the answers my grand readers is no. and im pretty sure thats how it will stay. how ill keep it that way i dont know. bit of luck and my sturdiness ? i cant and i wont!

in that case why do i keep going back? i think my need for companionship is more important.. actually its coz im pissed of at G, so pissed i could almost cry, i need to get back, and be BAD
even if this isnt the best thing to do, i want to do this. does it make me a bad person? or just human.
i thrive on attention, and right now i want it
im out of love with G. but it still pissess me off.

its watching a train wreck sabsy says.. but i KNOW i can jump off the train before it crashes, and buddy i need all the transport i can get .. so whats wrong with the free ride?

100 points for procrastination

2009-09-05T12:36:00.001+10:00

WHAT WAS YOUR:
1. Last beverage: choc soy milk
2. Last phone call: steph Lokster.
3. Last text message: mummsie
4. Last song you listened to: Fantasy- earth wind and fire
5. Last time you cried: on the episode of true blood where Godric died.

HAVE YOU EVER:
6. Dated someone twice: hah.
7. Been cheated on: heres to hoping.
8. Kissed someone & regretted it: deny deny deny
9. Lost someone special: yup, but everyones special
10. Been depressed: chocolate dude.
11. Been drunk and threw up: i try not to...

LIST THREE FAVORITE COLOURS:
12. emerald green
13. deep and dark purple
14. hot red

THIS YEAR HAVE YOU: (2009)
15. Made a new friend: yes i have :)
16. Fallen out of love: finally!
17. Laughed until you cried: all the time
18. Met someone who changed you: i think everyone moment defines you.
19. Found out who your true friends were: oh yesh
20. Found out someone was talking about you: mm.. kind of. shh
21. Kissed anyone on your friend's list: hell yeah we are an incestous bunch
22. How many people on your friends list do you know in real life: depends doesnt it?
23. How many kids do you want to have: a farm of critts
24. Do you have any pets: an imaginary rabbit- wabbit
25. Do you want to change your name: possibly, ive always like starshine
26. What did you do for your last birthday: taco bill and lazertagg, dinner with the fam
27. What time did you wake up today: 1030
28. What were you doing at midnight last night: dancing the night away
29. Name something you CANNOT wait for: maturity and the effects of weightloss. hah
30. Last time you saw your Mother: few weeks ago
31. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life: hah height
32. What are you listening to right now: blue bar
33. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: yeah.
34. What's getting on your nerves right now: my lack of motivation to study
35. Most visited webpage: FB and postsecrets
36. Whats your real name: Katrina
37. Nicknames: kat katweena kittykat and Na
38. Relationship Status: Single :)
39. Zodiac sign: saggitaurus
40. Male or female?: Female
41. Elementary?: St James and MGS
42. Middle School?: MGS
43. High school/college?: GGS
44. Hair colour: black baby
45. Long or short:Long
47. Do you have a crush on someone?: hawt stuff baby
48. What do you like about yourself?: my intake of life
49. Piercings: 3
50. Tattoos: i want one
51. Righty or lefty: Right

FIRSTS :
52. First surgery: knee in jan
53. First piercing: ears when i was kid
54. First best friend: stephii lok
55. First sport you joined: swimming
56. First vacation: who knows
58. First pair of trainers: i dont know i bet i had cute ones though

RIGHT NOW
59. Eating: nothing ,, ima hungry
60. Drinking: watter
61. I'm about to: start research
62. Listening to: knock you down
63. Waiting on: finishing this thing. 100 shhytt.

YOUR FUTURE :
64. Want kids?: yes.
65. Get Married?: yes, with 5 Cs
66. Career?: successful

WHICH IS BETTER :
67. Lips or eyes: eyes
68. Hugs or kisses: both?
69. Shorter or taller: talller
70. Older or Younger: m.. older
71. Romantic or spontaneous: spontaneous
72. Nice stomach or nice arms: er arms
73. Sensitive or loud: sensitive
74. Hook-up or relationship: hah, whatever rocks the boat
75. Trouble maker or hesitant: troubble

HAVE YOU EVER :
76. Kissed a stranger: mybe
77. Drank hard liquor: def
78. Lost glasses/contacts: allthe time;(.
79. Sex on first date: noo
80. Broken someone's heart: possibly
82. Been arrested: nope
83. Turned someone down: Yyup
84. Cried when someone died: no it wouldnt come out
85. Fallen for a friend?: yeah

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
86. Yourself: mostly
87. Miracles: all the time
88. Love at first sight: not really
89. Heaven: yes
90. Santa Claus: yes. shhhh. its just that he doesnt get to EVERYONE
91. Kiss on the first date: yes
92. Angels: yes

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:
94. Had more than 1 girlfriend/boyfriend at a time: it wasnt really counted.
95. Did you sing today?: im a hummer
96. Ever cheated on somebody?: unfortunately
97. If you could go back in time, how far would you go?: end of high school?
98. If you could pick a day from last year and relive it, what would it be?: my birthday?
99. Are you afraid of falling in love?: yes.
100. Posting this as 100 truths?: obviously im doing it.

Love lockdown

2009-05-03T17:27:00.003+10:00

as you should know i listen to songs over and over again.

like OVER and OVER again, till i probabaly MAKE the song fit my situation.. but in this case i think its fairly accurate.
plus the heartbeat beat is amazing.

all i can say is
i cant keep myself and still keep you too.

Kanye west- Love lockdown.

I'm not lovin' you the way I wanted to
What I had to do, had to run from you
I'm in love with you but the vibe is wrong
And that haunted me all the way home

So you never know, never never know
Never know enough, 'til it's over, love
'Til we lose control, system overload
Screamin', "No, no, no, n-no!?

I'm not lovin' you the way I wanted to
See I wanna move but can't escape from you
So I keep it low, keep a secret code
So everybody else don't have to know

So keep your love locked down, your love locked down
Keepin' your love locked down, your love locked down
I keep your love locked down, your love locked down
I keep your love locked down, you lose

I'm not lovin' you the way I wanted to
I can't keep my cool, so I keep it true
I got somethin' to lose, so I gotta move
I can't keep myself and still keep you too

So I keep in mind when I'm on my own
Somewhere far from home, in the danger zone
How many times did I tell ya ?for it finally got through?
You lose, you lose

I'm not lovin' you the way I wanted to
See I had to go, see I had to move
No more wastin' time, you can't wait for life
We're just racin? time, where's the finish line?

So keep your love locked down, your love locked down
Keepin' your love locked down, your love locked down
I keep your love locked down, your love locked down
I keep your love locked down, you lose

I'm not lovin' you the way I wanted to
I bet no one knew, I got no one new
Know I said I'm through, but got love for you
But I'm not lovin' you the way I wanted to

Gotta keep it goin', keep the lovin' goin'
Keep it on a roll, only God knows
If I be with you, baby I'm confused
You choose, you choose

I'm not lovin' you the way I wanted to
Where I wanna go, I don't need you
I've been down this road, too many times before
I'm not lovin' you the way I wanted to

So keep your love locked down, your love locked down
Keepin' your love locked down, your love locked down
I keep your love locked down, your love locked down
I keep your love locked down, you lose
You lose, you lose, you lose, you lose

in this case you do lose.
but i didnt win either.

perfectness.

2009-04-21T15:59:00.002+10:00

you know what? i probably fart massively in my sleep.
as well as have corn and random bits stuck in my teeth after a meal..especially spinach, ew.

i dont count myself perfect, i am quite challenged in the vertical arena.. and a little round, possibly like a barrell.. though with diet going now, we can hope.

but i dont expect perfection. i read somewhere that if you dont like characteristice about a person that its because there are parts in them that are NOT you. the more you like a person is because you like what is you reflected in them. and to truly love a person you need to love what is NOT you and accept that they arent you. basically saying we are all narcissistic.

guess like the theory on how the 'one' tends to look like you, guess it just becomes another 'one' of you.

either way i struggle with loving parts of people, ALL parts, its easy to love the nice funny lighter parts of a person, its the darker more serious whenpushcomestoshove bits of people that is really fuzzy and hard to swallow.

i pray for a thicker throat.

OF obsessions and free love

2009-02-26T02:46:00.002+11:00

I think i was obsessed with you. OBSESSED. like it bugged me i had to do it, must must must kinda thing. i was so compelled to i ahd to drop everything. i dont know why , why did you do this to me?

The problem with obsessions is that they dont last long, its like a fad, a phase a short term thing ,, and like a short lived fuse, it dies out as quickly as it started, Thought in my case probably a bit longer than that. I cannot say i regret the choices made, and i totally enjoyed it. but to get there i did make some sacrifices i wouldnt have given now.

Because of Y i am a better person today, ive learnt what to sacrifice and what i will end up regretting that i sacrificed, as Samantha said in SATC movie, ' i love you but i love me more'. Because of Y i have learnt to love myself and though i feel chubbs, i will get back to what i want ME to be.haha as Jo said to me , her 'bullying' of L has built L into a strong woman of the world today. In the same way,my experience will Y made me think. and made me balance and think my emotions out clearly. and sorry bub i love me more.

Yet i have a feeling that Y wants more now, and all i can say is i need me time. Or at least for me to feel that i am treated the way i want to be treated. and no im not fussy, or asking too much. I think thats what/who i am. whatever i ask for, i am willing to give back, whatever the 'too much' is. Ill do it, because its fair and i ask you do the same. If you dont ask , its youre loss, but its like insurance you paid for but you never claimed. Too bad.

ive learnt to keep the want and need separate. i dont need you. Now the want part im not sure yet, things are different when im around you etc, and and it depends on you and how you handle 'us' now. haha gotta prove you want me baby. coz what ive gone through, the internal battles and stuff, felt like they were in vain. i actually need you to prove i wont get hurt again. i guess its a breech of trust.

What i want now is free love, unconditional and beautiful. with absolutely no strings attached.

umora

2009-02-13T18:42:00.002+11:00

My grandma was born in the year of a rat. In many ways she turned out just like one, sneaky smart, and always on scurring about doing lots of work. She was the first child, and so this was passed on.
Her first child was my mother, born in the year of the bull. Stubborn and willfull, but fortunately born in the wee hours of the morning, so she was the bull of the early morning, saved from the late morning, afternoon of hard bull padi pulling work.
Her first child was me. Born apparrently the luckiest with the most auspicious birthdate and a dragon at that! I dont know what a dragon does at 7:32 in the morning, but i assume theyd be nestling amongst the clouds or deep underwater snoring with little sea-horses twirled around their tails.

After reading Amy Tan's kitchen god's wife, i feel so rooted in my chinese heritage. The funny thing is when one of the characters spoke, the mom, i could almost hear her, like someone i know saying those things to me. Like ive heard alot of the lines before said in a different words, similar voice. Its probably something my grammy would say. OR even something id wish/imagine her say for example:
If you always tell him sorry now, you will be sorry later

maybe all chinese thinking is kind of the same, i suppose i saw similarities in her 'negtive thinking' her 'comparingness - at least im not that beggar type' and many of the so-called differences the mother/daughter had, to what i know.not everything i agree with obviously, but alot of it made so much sense.

Im sure her books do that to other daisperas.,, im not sure if thats even the right term, meh.

R.I.P my love.

2008-08-21T21:00:00.003+10:00

this morning one of the love of my life passed..
i still cant imagine it. That when i go home she will be gone. So much of my life was spent with her. I knew the day was coming but still.. its always a shock. Even though i am so far away, i always thought about her, and expected her to be waiting for me. Jumping to see me as she always does, putting her paws on me, even though shes too frail to jump. almost blind almost deaf, she still conjured up the strength for me and still followed me around the house.. I cant believe shes gone! Guess coz she has been around so long ive just gotten used to her being at home. I mean she was my baby! Mine. well not technically but by the end it felt that way. I loved her first. we even shared milo and grapes!!

Towards the end, she got weaker and weaker and had artheritis and a weird lump near her tummy. and my love, Trudy passed this morning after breakfast.
x

moving on,

2008-02-22T17:53:00.002+11:00

Other than the end of the drama.
I have started watching tv to spend my time till uni starts again. Not just tv, Movies! Thank goodness for HBO and Cinemax, Star movies etc etc.
Quick list:

Aladdin
Dont laugh! This was a great disney movie!(Disney channel of course). Totally forgot what a cool movie this was!! WAs humming all the osngs and aladdin and jasmine is so cute together! especially the scene on th emagic carpet! Total good fun.

Staying Alive
Awesome if you love John travolta amd all! Great dancing and loads of sweaty dancers, but like the music totally freakked me out, and the Actual broadway dance in it was totally freaky, i mean zombie like arms and bodies popping out of the mist and claw like arms raking from caged walls??!?!The red lighting and heavy breathing noises was not really my thing. But i loved the whole 80s thing, and th eend wheres he is just strutting his stuff!

Teen Wolf
Another Micheal J Fox movie as a kid, who is a werewolf. But its not at all horror, and actually pretty funny and almost rediculous. As he climbs the popularity ladder in high school as a werewolf. Which looks like a furry mascot. I usually like mmovioes on werewovles and stuff, bt this was kinda weird.like the wolf kissed the popular blondie. Gross, like th ehairy thing and all!!!

The Prestige
Really good movie, although at the end i felt sorry for the guys, as per usual i side with one character all the way to the end , regardless of what they did. PRetty cool idea about the machine that duplicated stuff, and the whole way he did the 'transporting man'.

The colour purple
Whoopi goldberg and oprah was in this movie, and both were really good. A movie on how this black girl and her struggle against her husband + all the racism etc etc. It was actually very sweet, as she found her courage and strength to show that guy whats coming to him.

The return of Jafar
Was pretty excited when i saw this since i saw aladdin not so slong ago!!
It was not as good obviously, the characters drawn weirdly.. Jasmine had such a weird looking face! and Abu was way too... monkeish, and Jafar was nuts. He looked like the devil as agenie, freakie as.. and the end where he got electrocuted? GRoss.

Phat Girlz
Possibly the funniest movie i have ever seen. I think its queen latifah. im not sure, Its about a fat girl , or should i say PHAT? and her selfacceptance etc. But it is soo funny, and she ends up with the tahitian from heroes, and he is hot! but actually made me laugh so much my maid came to see if something was up.

Merlins apprentice
ALright movie, although i didnt really get what was going on... So that kinda was a blur, was really complicated, but still i thought how the guy turned out to be the son was unexpected.. but then i dont usually get these things.

bascially thats all i remember, they may be more. But thats al for now, may decide to switch on the telly again. haha

post look.

2008-02-22T17:51:00.002+11:00

I ahve gotten a few responses on my previous post.
Thanks for the concern, but im alright. I would rather just ignore the situation and get on with it.I know what i have to do, what will happen and how im going to react. One word. Karma.

i gross myself out.

2007-12-27T00:06:00.001+11:00

yup, its totally gross... im related to these bunch of people that are totally inhumane and sick. no this isnt one of those emo/slash my wrist things... but really my family is terrible. not my immediate one persay, but to ones distantly related like .... my entire paternal side family..
im so tired of them! just example.. the biggest arguement ever happened a while ago. ( btween my mom and dad) and so i talked to my grampy and he said that we would have a conference( meeting .. wtv) with the reat of the family tonight.. so i show up and its actually tomorrow. why didnt anyone tell me? what was my input not imp0ortant? i was to represent my sister and mom, they conveniently didnt tell me.. showing that it didnt matter,.. while this whole freakking conference is about me and my mom/sis... and our safety from my raving lunatic excuse of a dad.

Im taking this seriously, this is my life.,.. my mothers health and safety ..our well being we are discussing... how we are in danger. And obviously it isnt important to them, what is important is that we ( I mom and sis) arent 'loving our father' enough and so driving him to take drugs and that i was rude in demanding where the conference was instead of saying hello, and declining eating with them.

the story is really more complicated than this. i could write a book, on this family. i feel gross that i am related to them.. i am angry that they dont care about us. dissapointed because i thought they cared. i would like to leave. and we will.. away from the crazy mafia family, i dont care about money. i dont need theirs.. ill work my ass off whatever it takes.. i dont wanna touch them. my cousin called up for lunch.. andim not sure if i wanna go. i am totally hurt and upset, i dont want to see them at all. even for a civilised lunch. where i know my aunt will say something.. and i will burst out. one day ( very very soon ) we are going to go away. right now arrangements are going to be made.

If i loived in a fairy tale world, the bad guys would be caught and fed to fire breathing dragons, and i will leave peacefully ever after. coz everyone knows happily ever after doesnt exist .

my whole christmas this year has been the most eventful, ill remeber the eve of christmas 2007, as the one i spent even wondering if i had a place to stay that night.

i see you speak, but i hear no sound.

2007-09-24T01:14:00.000+10:00

i feel so lost... a while ago i was at a cross road, i saw this cross road coming for ages, the big road signs called conscious, want, pity, confusion informed me of this crossroad ahead. But i didnt listen! well i did .... but not really.. well duh.. i suppose its what you would usually do .. forget about the problem just hide it away and not deal with it. Anyway when i finally got to this crossroad, i sat right smack bang in the middle ,, both feeling like a total traitor to both sides and yet enjoying the view that both directions had to offer. I sat there for a while,, i liked it.. i mean at the end of the day i was in no rush! i could sit all day if i wanted to,.. who wants to make decisions!?!? why bother.

obviously i had to. and so i did. and i moved on . choosing one side., O over G. for many many reasons this decision was made.and when i think about it.. i can understand why i did it, why i choose this way to go , it was the right thing. But when i relaly compare the two... part of me feels as if i choose the wrong side!!!! G dotes and WANTS to be with me, as in G will want to hang out with me, spemd as much tme with me... while O, doesnt seem as enthusiastic,,, maybe im just a spoilt kid, but i dont know comparing is probably the worst thing.. beacuse in many ways he seems to fall short. thats horrible... maybe i did choose the wrong end. urgh.

i wish things werre different. i wish G wasnt so difficult to handle. or if G was here. i wish it wasnt so hard to settle everything with G. If only he wasn that nice to me. OR if O was nicer. If he should he cared more. so at least i felt worth it

pft. well thats the life on this side of the road anyway.

fresh start

2007-09-10T12:08:00.000+10:00

I havent updated in so long that i am even embarrased to say i have a blog. its the usual er.. yea but i havent up dated in yonks! so im imgaining that noone is really about to read this, which is reassuring in a weird way, and slightly pointless me typing this. But hey if you are, hi! and please dont tell me that you have, id like to believe that this is a different side to me, one that maybe you dont see when i bounce around and make funny noises, funny, since my lecturer said today, s orbitals have layers like ONIONS. very much like shrek. ( much like what i like to believe, me!). id like to think that theres always more than what meets the eye, that i will always be able to surprise you, maybe so that you will never get bored of me? i dont know, maybe im just hoping theres more depth in me than there reallly is, this is like a level before emo! liek you so dont understand me, the world doesnt understand me, im all alone. feed my depression knowck me out ( Joanne~ haha).

no really. i even thought about changing the name of this blog, to something new, something different since i are coming to a different stage of my life. but really couldnt think of a new name, some funky kiss-ass name that could have some awesome allegory could have been really cool! but maybe a little to cliched. So im sticking to the old name, old layout, hey i am sentimental, and ive been using this one for sooo long. its practically, this is the story of my life for the past what,,, 4 years?
thats like what now almost a 5th of my life... okay who am i kidding.. im not 19 yet, but rounding off sounds better.

life atm, is stressfulll. i have so much going on i have problems keeping track of what im doing all the time! Its nuts, G is now officially not mine, and now there a new equation, lets use O. G is driving me crazy, im torn between wanting, hating, missing, being freakked out.. its nuts.
while O ,,, well thats almost non existant, soo.. at the moment that is all ...
but hey im just as confused.
but from now on, one thing for sure.. ill be using blog more often.

2007-05-31T22:10:00.000+10:00

im impatient.
i cant help it, but i really hate waiting.
and its worse to be the one waiting ( hm i think this was said in 'time travellers' wife' )
im waiting for alot if things really, exams.. hols.. people.. a person in particular,... life to just continue .
I know I KNow, you shouldnt wait for life to grab you, you should go grab it. and i do. Generally i do, but at the moment, im just waiting. Waiting for something to happen basically, its like ive done all i can, and now i wait. Its your serve.

Exams are coming up, and life is getting mundane. I guess now the parties have died down, the web of love and all other juicy gossips hve gotten old. Everyone is starting to hibernate in their rooms, and my brain is slowly turning to unsociable mush. Im not joking.the more i work the more i dont know what to say to people, ie , after doing some hardcore work, i COULDNT think of anything to say to people, i just didnt know what to say. It was HORRIBLE. Pft, i cant wait for it to be over. And yet, im so not ready.. as much as i sit at this freakkin little table, i dont get enough done. Urgh. Its the eternal problem of my life. haha. cant get enough done in the time i have, i guess its coz im here typing, procrastinating AGAIN. Just waiting for everything to fall in place, for all the damn bio to click.

A few weeks ago, when people asked me whether i was excited to go home, i was kinda indifferent. but now i really cant wait. To be able to be with my family and be unsocial. hehe. all this studying is making me go nuts!

flames to dust, lovers to friends

2007-05-17T13:58:00.000+10:00

flames to dust, lovers to friends. Why do all good things come to end.
and no its not an emo post, rather the song is playing right now, and i like the line. whether its any analogy of my life right now, well figure that one out.. because i have no idea what is going on myself.
Things are moving way too quickly at the moment, but on the other hand, theres some things now that i wish would just go faster. People are way to confusing. Seriously!

I doubt im making much sense.. haha i think my mind is seriously messy right now, there is no sense of focus.. too many things going through my mind. ONE thing though is majorly frustrating, I guess i just hate to be the one waiting.

its like im waiting for the next call, line of action whatever.. and to top it of,im impatient. Why do all good things have to come to an end? I dont want it to end. But at the rate its going..it may.

back to square one

2007-04-25T09:17:00.000+10:00

i havent been blogging for so log, the last one was yonks ago. this is mainly for a few reasons. firstly laziness, busy-ness and finally him. Its like my life on repeat. When find myself and someone i can rely on and lean on, i totally forget about blog/diaries wtv. ITs like blogs or diaries are my substitute for love. HA! alternatively its that person that becomes my all.

in that case it seems silly for me to be typing right? i mean we are both mutually attracted/like/thinking about/need /want each other... the problem is once again distance. I hate it, this is the second time it happened with X. I mean wtf. its like case of the roving nincompoop. like although in that case i did use it as an excuse! by that point it was silly our one year long dist relationship was just plain bad. And i just wanted to end his misery, short and clean cut. It hurt him bad, he doesnt stop telling me about how his weight dropped etc... but hey it affected me too. my other posts when i talk about someone and how i was attached and when i go into my freakky emotional rants they were about him.

So what do you know !?!? the same reason i broke up with X now lead me to break up with ( hm cant use X no more, how abt G)
G. Once again im shaken up quite badly.. U alwasy forget how pyschologically stable it feels to be with someone and the fact that now your alone again makes everything feel horrible. And me being the heap of mess i am, have bawled my eyes out.The worst thing is i become a pathetic quivering piece of female that wants to keep wanting to calling/msging/emsging him. which isnt like me at all.. its like i want most what i cant have. another point here is when i talk to him now i feel the cold change, but G still mantains he has the same feelings for me. its just sepreation. seperation my arse. i want to be back together secure in the cuddly feeling of love!! i dont care about the reality of the situation! i just wanna be short-minded, and be happy NOW!

Its hard! parts of me know that its prolly the best way. and since ive done it b4 i can say that it is the only way , and shit it hurts. Y do i always let myself get pulled into this things.. and cause so much tears on my part. im quite silly arent i...i keep thinking about snippets of conversations that we had. Random moments, songs, everything keeps popping up in my head.
its disgusting.

you get over a person in half the time you go out with him . so that gives me almost a month.
yup we were close to our 2 month.fck. this is for the best.. i know.
but theres the holiday question which is in 2 months, and ill see him again.... gawd my life in complicated.. i cant even clean my room up or get to breakfasyt b4 it shuts . how can i be in control of my emotional being?!??!
i keep telling myself to get a grip ..... i am a fool for setting myself up for this.

All i can say is i knew it, i knew this would happen eventually and yet i flung myself into it. fck. i cant wait till the holidays i suppose. but then again. i dunno
mixed feelings about it.
one thing, i have to get a grip of myself.
i disgust myself.

2007-03-11T00:43:00.000+11:00

once again ive come grovelling back to blogspot, to procrastinate, fill time. reflect. etc. .
Its actually been quite a while since ive last done this and so i far i must say i feel like im getting right back into this type your thoughts idea. Anyway Uni has been so far overwhelemingly HUGE. I mean this is every possible aspect.. i have no idea what is going on where i am.. where i have to be. Whos that kid im sitting next to is.. Whether i need to be in that tute,How to make use of my time and tghe MOST important one WTF im actually tryig to learn!!

Its fun though.. very busy but fun . 25 HOURS. I know I kNow REDICULOUS. but its alright!
College is awesome though im am truly loving everysingle moment of it! ^_^
and half the time i am dead tired!! and drunk but seriously im loving it. I feel like i dont have enough time to study ... i need to fix my priorities HUH? college is awesome. All that crap u her abt college when ur in high school is really CRAP. Coz living on a residential-on-campus is fun.

im dead tired now, wanna get to bed but waiting for a certain someone to call. u know who you are . and if ur reading this,, im impressed. but seriously life for me had been bliss. i am really liking it. in everyway.
U know when u meet someone you know will change your life? I met him! and i do feel a change and this process is beautiful. I feel like the world is clearer and everything just smells rosier. hahaha i sound silly.

its like a friend asking me today. ' So ARE u into him?'
and me thinking yes. and usually in this senario i would be like aw... i like him.. crush..oohhh * teen blushing wtv.. u get the point..BUT this time im like yes im into him. He is into me. its an actually completment of a puzzle! the head and the tail.
and that self afffirmation was just great. :)

tomorrow i have tea with past person. i saw that because he WAS a person of importance,.. i have an idea what he wants to tell me. but im pretty sure i know what he wanst to imply. ohh baby you are in for a treat. this will back fire on u and you will have no idea. but really i couldnt care less about what he has to say about his little drama topic. I moved on. and ive totally let go. hence 'past person'

because really my 'present person' is what is all i want now.

Forrest is hot.

2007-02-15T19:19:00.000+11:00

i like where we are..here. ~ here in your arms (hellogoodbye)

i was thinking abt it stuff ( AS I DO .) but its funny like everyone has a place/status wtv. amanda yes this is exactly like that convo we had the other night!.
but yea for example in the family ~ my place is the smart older sister.. that doesnt get things wrong and is always late..
or as the young quiet granddaughter that nobody understands.. or the eldest granddaughter that parties to much ( yes both sides of the grandparents) .or my place in my clicque of friends , the weird one ( panda :D) or the glue- which is a term i made up..which is what u callthe person that is the link in the group of friends.ie like connecting person.. or the one who knows everyone the best.btw this 'glue' has the most power over everyone. WIsh i was th eglue. ahahaha sometimes im the little edge of the branch. which sucks but can be good.

i know my place on earth i think.. like in a clubbing scene i know sometimes im the person ppl bring to show off. like look this is my friend. or im the life of the crowd ( not me alone . awesome 2some buddy!) or the person that forces ppl to dance..or the person that does rediculous things like hiding under the table. HAHA.

i guess its a really random thought! bt today has been one random day. i woke up so late. and all i felt lik eeating was papaya, helps hangovers anyway and it was SO GOOD. last time ill prolly have papaya for a while.. sigh. i love the tropics! and then after my random papaya feast. i basically bummed around in pjs till i had 2 pick my sis up.. which I DUNNO HOW but i wentthe wrong way! like DUH. had to turn back and everything. i doubt this is the alcohols fault. so Whats up with me?!?! and the worst thing is i scratched the car! while parking i got to close to the curb and well yea. nuff said!

and yea here i am!
sheesh leaving 2moz and i havent started packing..procrastination is bliss.
HATE packing.. so tedious.

the decandance of the holidays

2007-02-10T12:49:00.000+11:00

1.waking up and immediately watching tv.
2. Driving to everywhere and nowhere, blasting music and singing with sunnies!
3.Eating soggy cereal while reading a cooking mag. Its almost salmon &potato rosti!
4.Sleeping at any hour.Waking at any hour
5. Spend hours looking at the mirror, weird as it sounds, i used to not be able to recognise me
6. Drive about 30 mins just to buy carrot cake :)
7.The dad with sunnies to small for his face, and the daughther with ones too big for her face.
8. Exercising like a mad dog.
9.Living in pjs and glassess all day.
10. Eating a million nuts
11.btw im watching the librarian. I want my own GEEK. hahaha
12. sun baking while looking like an idiot ( skirt drapped on my face) hello. freckles and wrinkles!
13.HOURs of absolutely nothing!
14. Going to yoyo cafe.
15. shopping for idiotic things at wisma M.
16 Bumming at my moms office
17. Making totally tasteless sandwiches for lunch
18. SWimming everyday .. purfecting the tan
19. Chatting on msn for hours on end.
20. Quality time with family.
21 HAnging out with my childhood buddies
22. spending my life with my ass parked on the sofa
23. Re sorting out my stuff
24. Making loads and loads of to-do lists that nnever get done
25. Stoning on my bed
26.Going out at clubs , with their mad live bands
27. EMailing!
28. SPending way too much time trying to making my life sound intresting on my blog.

Bad Day!

2007-02-03T14:25:00.000+11:00

at times like this i tend to blow up.
guess im generally just pissed off!. okay so maybe its hormones as i was talking to a buddy about. but so hormones play a huge part in my life! but its the little things that get to you. And i guess thats exactly the problem, its just like little annoying strands that get stuck to your clothes.. i mean its freakkin annoying, but its just lil, but FREAKKIn annoying. Ie. you figured hey! its time to change my friendster account! woohoo im not going to be lazy this time! and type out all this crap, (which i dont usualy do for profiles) and anyway i walked oved to help my mom, and ka-POP my sister decides (which i told her not to, cz im not done with the pc) to close the page. OR like how when we got new cable th ewhole family screams for me to help them use it .. and its like READ the instructions please!! Or how im like just press the little green button.. 'WHERE??!?!' " one the left corner!!!" "I dont see it., come and helppp!1' ' OKAY fine." " Its right there!!! WTH look!!' . pssht i think im so used to not being with family that an overload is seriously killing me.

Another problem, yesterday there was this going away thing at a wel known club, so i thought yea ill go but.. these posse i met through friend X and NOW posse tells me oohh i dont like X anymore, so you can come without X. and so im thinking .. hmm.. i gotta find someone else coz i dont know this posse, and anyway she couldnt make it and well doubt got the better of me. coz this posse is the notorious drink driving posse. and hell one of my worst nightmares is a car crash. So i didnt go , haha and yea i got a few sms from the posse this morning saying how they were looking forward to seeing us etc. gosh i wish i went now! Haha regret is the worst feeling!

Talking about not going and regretting, a friend of a friend has invited me to go kiteboarding this afternoon, they are PROs and im a NOOOBIE. gosh i hope i dont die or smth ahha. but anyway really intimidating going out with them! so that another worry. that i either die, or embarrass myself resiculously.

So im blaming hormones! that my i have to stop the urge of rubbing my eye, or that the weather today is soo hot, or that my internet slowed down just when i pressed the send button for an email and hence screwing up my email, that i got woken up today by a stupid bird, that the neighbours dogs keep whinning imean when was there ever a dog in the first place!??!?!, that today is a bad hair day.

God look at my ranting. what an unpleasant post. Okay ill stop.. relax breathe in do some yoga. . . . doesnt seem like a good day.

2 am

2007-01-28T05:07:00.000+11:00

its 2 am and she calls me coz im still awake
can u help me unravel my latest mistake
i dont love him winter just wasnt my season.

ha its this song . but its actually 2 am now and that song is kinda relevant! xcept no one called me. but the 2nd line and 3rd work just dandy.but right now i feel at my most rawest, if that makes any sense at all! just got back from adams karaoke thingo!
HAPPY BDAY BUDDY ! (i doubt he'll see this!) and realised i stink of smoke etc so im sitting out here in my living room in underwear trying to fan deorderize my clothes. Its crazy really how much u stink after something like that! i walked though my room and i could smell the smoke just coz of the contrast!

anyway so the karaoke wasnt too bad though i cant sing for crap! but yea i tried! i spent alot of tonight in semi thinking state though! SPECIALLY coz they kept playing chinese /malay songs that i dunno so i zoned out! haha. and plus plus i couldnt drink much coz i was driving home and anyway .. i dun wanna it to screw up my skin or my recent health plan! so i thought about what i had previously wanted and now im thinking i dont need it anyway ! like that DELICIOUS chocolate cake that u want soo bad and it taste so darn good, but hey YOU DONT NEED IT BUDDY! haha well yes this is exactly how it is. I dont need it, i guess it was never need but want. but even then it felt like need, I grew stronger in learning this. I was so dependant on the little things he did that when it stopped it felt like crap. specially since i put in effort in my part. so through this baby experiment i figured hey wtf have i been living on the wrong side of the bubble all this time? Is this just one big misuderstanding or what?!!? whatever it is, i can handle it coz i figured u know what kid?I DONT NEED IT like that fat fat chocolate cake. ALthough its so damn good.

and another thing that has seriously been bugging the crap out of me! i found out that some people i schooled with are going to my college next yr. i mean people i dont like. so people that have been around during times i regretted.. and im thinking.. great there goes my FRESH new start to uni! i mean i wanted a clean slate! and i feel like im eing held back by these people who know abt all this crap! and to top it of they will stereotype me into what i was in school. on the hand when have i ever cared what people think? and how have this people ever made my life more difficult? sure its annoying but ive managed to have a blast anyway . and college is meant to be huge yea? so with luck life with be the way i planned.

its 230 and i should be in bed.

22 Jan

2007-01-22T14:31:00.000+11:00

the worst feeling in the world is wanting something that you cant have.. Expecially if youve already had a taste of it, and finding out how much you like it, you cant have it, due to complications etc. Plus if there was no complications that thing would already be yours. Enuff said! But its frustrating to find something that could so easily be yours, but isnt due to reasons that is so rediculously simple. Horrible huh? how life plays you up like that?!

Or IF, just IF something was different in your history, everythinfg today would be different? SO you moved away from fate, but eventually it catched up with you anyway, and you think.. what if i didnt move away .. coz maybe this isnt as bad as i thought! .. what have i missed out on all this time!!! PRobably not that much, but just makes you think~ Coz now that fate found me,a nd there was a little incident, its like hey i liked it!.. gosh what if?!?!?

WHAT IF.. the worst thing to think abt.. what if i did this .. or chose some other choise.. or wore a differnet coloured eye shadow. Seriously a night could turn out really differently if you wore gold pigment or purple eye shadow!.. i usually go with the gold pigment, since MAC melon gold pigment never fails me. But who knows.

Anyway talking about what ifs, i got my appeal back today, and my score DID NOT change! sucks. But igues sit doesnt change anything i still get the course i want and uni i want.. so whats the problem huh? MY PRIDE! i was so cocky. i knew i was going to do well.. and when crunch time, i did SHYT. much like english. how i was expeecting a fail, i did the best! MAD huh? its the teacher proly.damn MR J . anyway i have done soo many posts abt stupid mr PJULIAN.. anyway wont see him ever again!

So im really good at talking about absolutely nothing, but anyway that will be it, the day is way to hot for anymore thinking!

Life in the 07's

2007-01-14T00:42:00.000+11:00

So i havent updated since last year, 2006 a year of real hardship, pain, starvation, partying, stress! ,prefectship, meditation, not so much exercise, wasted time, actually looking back i guess it was agood year!! i mean other then my exams.. the prefect problems.. every little shitty day.. haha . it was okay.. all in all.. i have learnt heaps.. lots heaps of weight.. so i guess that makes up for it huh?!!?
sheesh the year was tedious though.. like i thought IB would never end and all that jealousy towards the uni ppl!!! haha guess it will soon happen though, ill find out tomoz! hopefully melb uni :)

basically, i feel like ive really grown up this yr! i turned 18! not only that though.. i mean literally, i feel like things are diff now? this yr has made a big impact! like maybe when im older i might look back and be like hey 2006 was a freakkin bittersweet yr. maybe everyyr makes a big impact on one, just that now looking back on last yr it seems more important. ie. it was yr 12 ! last yr of schooling baaby. or HIGH OCTANE BABY! (amanda that was for u) ..twas the yr of totally going nutss.. like ipod dancing in pandas room till 3 .. cramming till morning..getting death stared by the house for ACCIDENTLY turning on the fire alarm..partying in tiny aparments in the city.. pretending to be lesbians..running to trams! man it was fun :D i guess the expectation is really high for this yr! and like now it feels like its all falling into place if u know what i mean??? like life.
all my little aspects seem to be just scraping but inevitably falling to place..like my confidence about myself, has grown heaps!! love life, friends everything i guess its all really exciting, well i am! i am so ready to burst in this yr with a bang!.. Hence the mad fit plan! its hot hot.
FIRST YR UNI BUDDY! its meant to be a blast. and this yr one thing, im definitely keeping my stuff toy. i mean changing and growing up is one thing but definetly keeping the old stuff!! totally random i know :).

anyway my mad fit plan has taken up much of this yr so far.. my days have been spent either in the pool or on some machine in the gym. not much exciting stuff.. kk isnt very exciting haha . sceptt teh beach party coming up!!! cant wait. guess i havent gone out in ages.,.so im craving nightlife.. totally craving getting high on the beach. GOSH im like a newborn partyy animal.. t'will be fun i hope. last time i went out was ny eve, with lindy and her pals.. so i thought i would be the odd one out.. but turns out things turned out better than i expected and met a new friend. so yea hopefully the beach oarty will turn out puurfect.

little update on my hamster. i think hes dieing. theres a bald patch on his back, kinda worried for the little guy. so now im kinda freaked out and wont touch him..like yuckk.. but im genuinely concerned! l;ike the only one in the house glad for his existance!
anyway tts prolly all i can be bothered typing am so drained. its the mad fit plan i tell u! sleep is so in order!

thinking..

2006-12-14T17:16:00.000+11:00

school is over!
the amazing asian trip is over as well.
all the planning paid off :)
im pretty lazy to write it alll down.. in bite sized pieces...
bangkok was shopping haven.. went to ___ ___ night bazaar twice.and burnt a huge hole in my wallet.. ended up borrowing money.. thats the worst thing about markets.. no atm .. no efpos..have to carry around wads of money.. urk.
had my birthday there as well.. :) watched thai boxing and ate at the craziest restaurant.. got a free condom - cabbages and condoms.
Krabi .. was the coolest.. we stayed at Aonang Buri resort.. and god i did so much in this sector of the trop.. exhausted.. canoed,elephant ride, rockclimbed, swimming,snorkeling... etc..
twas fun.. went to luna pub or smth like that everynight .. so basically.. body was running on mysterious energy probably obtained from too much Pad thai.
Sipadan this was also mad fun.. diving all the time.. at Seaventures.
jumped of the barge.. about 10 m drop into the water.. was mad fun.. i mean ive never been in free fall for so long... had time to think... and this has seriously helped me change my mind about bungee jumping..
but divig was so much fun.. turtles.. nudiebrances.. seaventures was damn fun.
kl pretty exciting.. shopped saw my couz... ate so much roti chanai:x
..all in all really fun.. (".
learnt alot of stuff these past weeks
- always loko for the best exchange rate money changer..it actually makes a huge diff.
- always cross the road quickly .. in thailand the green man or red man didnt blink.. there was no forewarning!..
- some kids like to dig their nose.. just dont stare.. or they pull their snotty fingers out and wave..
-it sucks to be the designated waker-uper.. you become the hated one of the hour..
- always gang up on an unsuspecting friend and get him wasttteedd..
- choose a safe roommate that doesnt snore..
- always use sunblock..
-try to sleep .. even if its like 2 hours a day..
- dont get attracted to randoms coz of piercings...
-act uber touristy..
-take millions and gazillions of phtotos..
..... mm thats all i can think of..
just random thought.. xanga doesnt seem to coorperate with me!! i cant type a decent blog in it.. it annoys me so much.. so instead im moving here.. and anyway .. this way not the whole world/community will read it.. since on xanga everything i type will be sent to their emails....
i like it this way.

privacy :)
i think the trip made me realise how much i can actually do.. i mean really. as cliche as possible..
ive done somethings ive never done b4.. :) was mad fun.. and i really cant believe the trip is over... i cant believe the vce ppl got their results.. means we will too eventually..
SCARY!!
.. and going to Gold coast tomorrow sounds so stressfull.. a large scale family holiday .. the kind where we rent a van not a car.. where we will probabaly dominate the beach
okay i take that back. my family will probably not go to th ebeach.. sun damage to strong..
but woohooo..
children.. lots of them... themeparks etc... gawd.. forecast number 1.. im the new babysitter..
..well i suppose family is most important.. and it could be bonding time.. all the time i missed out when at boarding school..
wow... sigh anyway shld pack!

New layout and New pictures !

2006-08-30T11:05:00.000+10:00

Thats Hermi
in a nut shell!
... anyway .. prac exams are over.. and the only thinging hanging above my head is chinese orals...
Freedom is swet.

fck burgendy and france

2006-08-22T22:42:00.000+10:00

well guess what.. my extract SUCKED
i got france and burgendy ... yep totally bad extract..
possibly one of worst ...
just my luck huh>??
quote my mother : Thats just unfortunate
,. TIZ
sigh..
theres a conspiracy theory up that the teacher hand picked these extracts to give to ppl...
therefore giving the easiest extracts to those who need it most if you know what i mean.
so WHAT
im stuck with the shittest extract??
Where is the justice???
i hate my teacher.
MR Jxxxxx
i mean why??
i feel like all my hard work has been wasted... all over it,,, its like that linkin park song
one thing, i dont know why ,
it doesnt even matter how hard i try
keep that in mind , i designed this rhyme to explain in due time all i know.

even though i tried , it all fell apart
what eventually, will be a memory of the time i tried so hard.
and got so far, but in the end it doesnt even matter...

high octane baby!

2006-08-21T22:52:00.000+10:00

tomorrow.. the 22 Aug.
Lear & milton judgement day
shyt im so scared.
10 mins of non stop talking
high octane no doubt
slightly worried.
time to open my mouth and sing for all im worth..
speak of literary terms.. lears degredation.. satans degredation..
god man regan serpents
im afriad.....
the problem is ..What IF...
but then again .. it all depends on luck.

ANYTHING can happen ..

2006-08-15T17:01:00.000+10:00

exeat went by ..
way to fast ..
it was so much fun.. it was my last exeat . ever. haha.. from now on.. its studying time.
daym. at least it was fun!!!
..
as per usual ill do a lill update on my weekend :)
FRi- watched pirates while carrying our bags like around (running across streets... bridges... up the stairs etc).. haha thanks to chandy for carrying the last stretch..
then azn dinner was cancelled.. so back to pandas house had dinner of like frozen stuff in the fridge. yum..then to went out again :)
to billboard..which was pretty good .. both of us felt uber lonnerish.. but then some sri lankaian ppl came along not for long though.. ran away in time.. and found a new group of ppl to talk to.. haha twaz fun.

sat was meant to be the working day but couldnt get down to do much.. the library was way too hot and stuffy..eneded up buying icecream and shopping.. for a top for anges bday at blvd.. lunch at carlton park.. in cuckoo outfits and sunnies and lots of seaggulls.....
had dinner of random mushroom milk.. and then anges bday at blvd which due to some careless boys from perry.. the party shifted to hush. ... amanda and i got left out on the cold.. so we jumped onto a bus.. where the bus driver kindly brought us closer...
anyway hush was soo much fun...:) best night i think..
everyone was there. everyone.. and soo much stuff happened ;) haha
damn ill miss exeats ...
lots of dancing.., lots of laughing etc. met some new ppl..etc.. almost had some scary homo problems.. monkey nuts.. steph dancing like never before.... ppl dirty dancing..hoho..
and the good end to the night with roti ruben :)

sun.. woke up way too late. went to the city to get our stuff from the library... and went back to pandas bros house... and watched australian idol... sat around washed clothes etc... haha and the to brunettis for more food..,. btw this day we cooked like a reall go.od dinner unlike other days

mon... yum cha rotiruben.. shopping arnd with tin steph rum .. and yea.. and now back here..
TOTALLY getting distracted from monotone convergence theorem...
gr.

life by the mug

2006-07-26T21:23:00.000+10:00

haha. boy i am so funny. a triple allegory one liner!
well... if u didnt know 'mug' or 'mugging' is an singapore term for studying..
haha..
getit yet?
hahaha...
anyway... today was UMAT day..so i sat there for almost 4 hours ( the test is only 2.30 hours) but was stuck there for ages..
looking at the other potential doctor wannabees..
shyt ,.. do i even have a chance?
i mean there were some very very nerdy ( also translated uber smart ppl there)
an example of an overhrd conversation:
In an english accent) A : HOhoho. next yr there wont be UMAt anymore!.. it will be the F-mat
B: flat mat
A: Yes! you see the flat mat is not a test, instead U will come and get Flattened into a MAT...
hohoho
B:Oh i see!! hoohoohoo hoo The F -MAT!

holy crap. i thought that was so lame before.. but now i can see this guy is pretty smart..
umat really flattens you out.. like according to a few ppl i talked to abt it..it really FLATTENS ur ego.
i dont want to think about that part....
anyway off to mug somemore!
btw this is my 125 post in my blog!! happy 125 postday!
haha

Last breath of freedom

2006-07-10T21:34:00.000+10:00

in singapore at the moment. its 7.34... in a few hours ill be on a plane back to melbourne.
hip hip hip hoorray
and i think im serious?!?!
hahah in a way.. i just wanna get it over with you know???
:)
thats would be wonderful... i wont come home be it singapore or kk till november.. ill be 18 then..
haha the posibilities jk!
anyway my dog is calling.
and p.s she is 16 human yrs old.. which is dog yrs.. i think is times 7??... do the math.
she is OLD!
hopefully next time i come back shes still alive...

GSS

2006-06-26T21:21:00.000+10:00

no you didnt misread. i said, gss. not ggs.
For those who are wondering ggs is school while gss is heaven, a.k.a Great Singapore sale.
where everything.. or almost everything is on sale. :)
yes haven for the shopaholics .. for the shopping hater.. not too worry theres still FIFA to save your souls... this ids That time of the year where people flock to the likes of ORchard Road, where theres a delicious smogasboard of shops, clothing.. shoes,, bags.. cds.. name it they have it.
what u do need ismoney lots and lots of sinapore dollars.the more fortunate ones substitute this with cashcards.. creditcards.. visas. but for the underaged, its just wads of money.
This time of the year people from all over S.E asia come over to the sunny island, travel agencies making use of this time, advertising singapores great ' UP TO 70 % SALE" .. better for the singapore economy!! come spend your rupiahs, bahts, ringgits in singapore.. and dont forget! theres a tax rebate! ..... that aside, you really do find many bargains out there. some stores have a ___ % discount gareuntee... EVERYthing in there... :D.. amazing eh??,... well today i have sucesfull scaled half of orchard rouad.. leavig the rest for tomorrow :)
amongst the masses tomorrow grabbing the best bargain, i will be looking for a pair of shoes.. yiippee. .. i dont think im quite the seasoned shopper but here are some words of advice or observations from this strange phenomena of the GSS.
+ To try on something at Zara, you might have to stand in queue for about 10 mins.. SUggestion is to bring a towel and change right there.
+ to get into MNG, you have to queue up to get in, followed by getting all your posesions tied up in a white cotton bag placed inside a massiveplastic bag.. ( my guess is the mng owner is paranoid about shop liftting)
+ if you see something you like,.. dont let it go.. hold on to it till your REALLY SURE, whether u wanna buy or not.. it can be bought by someone else.
+ when walking through the realy busy place stick close to a huge guy, he usually paves a way throiugh the crowd ,, and well you can just free ride all the way!

Gym junkies!

2006-06-19T11:40:00.000+10:00

avid the crazy football fever.. ive been going to the gym recently:)
and figured out theres only a few catergories of people who go ( this may only apply to the sutera gym ) disclaimers note : this is a fat Generalisation../.

Group 1:
M.A.M - middle aged mom
these group is huge at our gym. can be recognised by the headbands, grey leggings and usually whote shirts with a huge bold print of either ' NIKE' or ' My son goes to cambridge' or ' PERTH the place to be' , and unbelievable white shoes.. usually found in pack of 2-3 . distintcly different from the loud gosiips and laughter shouted from across the treadmill.. that is usually set at some rediculous incline, where they power walk up for about half an hour while gossiping about AUNTY ___ son/daughter
NOTOTRIOUS for: hogging the treadmill. sparing the female locker rooms with intoxicating perfume and yacking over the machine noises.
Group 2:
MOTOrcylce gang.
often seen in packs of 20 or so.
mostly aged 30-40s with a few young uns. long hair. tatoos and singlets..
like to group huddle around the weights area.. while huffing and puffing to prove that their massive tatooed arm is better than the next motorcycle man.
notorious for : hogging the whole area,... loud laughing and pumping large amounts of iron.
Group 3:
showgirls/boys.
usually young.. about 16-28s??
really slim usually..
boys: can be singled out by the tight white shirt.. longish going nowhere shorts and white earphones connected to the video ipod... usaully runs for like 10 mins.. does a few weight machines... and spends rest of the timechecking out his hair..
girls: usually in tiny bike shorts, hair out .. regardless of length , this group likes to leave their hair down. usually jogs for a few minutes.. and spends rest of the time on the bicycle machine.. while either reading cosmo or watching tv.
Group 4:
the gym junkies.
age can vary.
these people are crazy .. have been sighted almost everyday at the gym. can be recognised by the amount of sweat while working out. usually have some kind ofprofessional gym gear on . eg- weight gloves. adidas gym suits or puma gym outfits...
can be recognised by the flat hair, rediish face and sweat denched towels.
notorious for hogging every machine they get on.
Group 5:
EMIP
elderly men who wear pjs.
this men are BUFF. for their age, it is obvious they care about their looks, physically wise. at the prime of their life, but can be seen in rediculously long colourful pj pants, usually seen only pumping iron and sometimes skipping.
___
as you can tell. someone haas been ging alot recently.

and life continues..

2006-06-13T12:29:00.000+10:00

at recess was i bought a brownie from this slice sale at the dininghall and was walking back to the house...
and next to the middle school hedge realised that my kilt was like undone, okay u know the weird side???and i didnt care..
isnt it weird.
my first thought is who cares. i have my brownie! and hermi is so close.. isnt it weird how people have moved along, matured or whatever. and priorities changed? i mean so long ago it used to matter what ppl in this school thoght of me. but now its like. pfft i have my brownie. yumyum. i so dont care.
its like ive come to a point on the road, where i really dont care about the superficial things in life. literally!. ( on the road past middle school ) and in a metaphoric sense.
weird huh.. i saw some yr 10 ppl walking over the grass and i was like.. omg once upon a time that was me.. and tarn was freaking out abt eco portfolios.. and its like ..woah once upon a time i didnt know how to find an article too!.. okay i take that back i still cant really find one. but its less of a trouble.
hahha just was thinking about it . term 2 is almost over.. haha i have 2 days of fulls school left.
not including today. which i have 2 periods. + the next half hour of this one now.
i reallyt cant wait till holidays.
not sure exactly what im going to do.
but i think this hols id like to refind myself .. just to be at home.. ^_^
and now i can drive :D yippee.
and spore i really cant wait to see my room, the familiarity. haha.
anyway i should go back to my tok essay.
how ironic its on language.

Freedom of Speech

2006-06-08T22:34:00.000+10:00

what is freedom of speech without the freedom to offend?
-SALMAN RUSHDIE

its true. heres the story ( no opinions just facts first opinions later!)

so X writes a story about how IB life is killing her. so in her retaliation, she reassures herself HEy IB = Im BETTER. but at the same time saying yes VCE has its great points. but i do ib . so HAH IB is better.

and then Y reads it, gets annoyed that someone is saying that ib is better than vce specially after exams, and writes a blog on how vce is not worse of or slack, and how ib kids look down on vce kids, and than vce ppl dont brag unlike the ib etc

so K (guess who) reads this.. finds this quite Funny, and comments that obviously vce ppl dont brag, they dont have EE or TOK to brag , but then again its not bragging.. its complaining. and says hey, vce isnt slack i admit, but its easier. (which is the truth, no EE etc), and basically if u like challenges do IB

then Y quite painfully (on my part anyway!) replys that vce ppl like dont like challenges and then me still quite hapy coz i found out the secret of photo booth ( MAc Programme absoolutely hilarious!!) juz replied hahah . maybe i love SUDOKUS

and her reply painflly cut my prides saying.. so? dumb ppl dont lie sodukus?? i like it Sorry! ( btw its comments on the blog b4)

Btw the story continues dragging othe ppl in it.

but my point is,
Freedom speech nothing wroong with that
Once upon a time ppl payed out their education system ,.. now ppl are defending it with their lives. haha its funny
but please dont attack me... Y last comment is implying that I look down on ppl. dumb ppl that do vce. .. whch i dont i never said that.
if u want to read between the lines, that it is obvious from the beginning that my first comment on Y's blog was light hearted.. so i dun understand.
i dont mean to offend.
but u know what . i give up.
its rediculous. do i care? the point is a stated the facts. theres heaps of Vce ppl out there who i know DONT LIKE challege..
i dunno .
it worries me
but once again . its freedom of speech huh?
and this is an online journal.
so yea. i guess everything must be taken with a pinch of salt.
and no i do not honey my words so it gos down faster

woohoo judgement day

2006-06-06T21:24:00.000+10:00

yes bloggers and blogerettes today is the 6.06.06...
Hah. devils number.. something bad today.. according to a passage on the bible.. the devil will have the numbers 666 on his forehead..etc.. .. so is judgement day today??? Well. i just gave my yogurt to jade, so maybe im saved !:) redemption of course. Although my idea of heaven at the moment is sleep, and the prospect of having no work. .. *drool. ..but judgement day.. kinda scary huh? maybe tomorrow we will wake up in chaos,, meteorites, darkness, locusts, plague.. etc.. and hopefully i will be part of the 'saved' - referencing to if this is a man Primo Levi.
i just want heaven i guess. which is why i wanna be a doctor. my goal in life is to have eternal life. in heaven.. how dumb is that..in the light of all of this.. i goal of this life is to go for more life. GREAT. what a dumb paradigm

how hollow my life is.
man i feel previliged. 2 special ppl in my life have just come to me to chat about somethingclose to them. boy i feel the load... weird huh?.. the bigger the tower, the bigger the shadow. shyt im a cynic. but hey judgemnet day is coming.. so i might read the bible tonight.
haha

And she looked back and saw that it was good.

2006-06-02T15:17:00.000+10:00

YES.
EE is done. Finally.
im so reliefed..
this week has been so revelationary.. :)
weird huh?
i mean .. in the time suffering.. i woke up..
i dunno i guess emotionally.. and apparently acoording to my bodies sensitivty to neoproxin.. phsyically as well.
but hey with the physical neoproxin drug problem.. all i need is some adrenelin injected slowly and ill be done...emotionally.. i dunno i guess truth hurts. but it shure feels good to be out in the light.. haha
no im not being emo. which is unfortunate coz im starting to re-like rock music all over again..or punky ones anyway.. its so refreshing..
yea life is refreshing.. haha im a changed person
a few days ago i wanted to kill myself.. this day ive numbed down..
i dun wanna kill myself anymore
haHAHAHAH
its a new way looking at things.. from the outside. abstractly.. ive numbed way too much..but its all good. ^_^
btw im getting addicted to panic at the disco..
and also vote for steph on make ur mark.
but i might be putting one up as well.
so when i do
Vote for me.. that is if i find a photoshop comp i can use obviously
since this laptop is on life support..
i was thinking about if later on life.. would u rather die or live as a vegetable??
i think id like someone to pull the plug. that would be way better than living as a vegetable..
woah. once again i have started talking about death.
heehee.ooopsy. but its okay.. coz eco is almost over. and ive totaly wasted this period. darn,
but WEEKEND coming up!!! yay!
umat time
hahahaha

No i was not looking at ur breasts! i was looking at ur kimono!

2006-05-28T21:15:00.000+10:00

AHAHA.
this is a typical hermi joke. MS Ward came into marissas room one night to find mar and steph working diligently .. marissa has a shirt with kimonos on it ms ward comes in and is like OH good u girls are working........ *stare intently at mars shirt* then totally catching on... " OH MY GOODNESS! I WAS NOT LOOKING AT YOUR BREASTS! I WAS LOOKING AT YOUR BEATIFUL KIMONOs' and runs away..
ITs okay ms ward if u wanna exprees you love to marissa...
hahah
okay some random thoughts again..
i want the song . something game.. or something like that.. i dunno whats its called.
but i like it
__________________
this is so freakkin typical.
happy one moment .. pissed off the next.. i couldnt do this math qs .. that everyone else can .. i mean a yr 10 asked me.. and i have no idea.
im such a failure.
at times like this im willing to go back to my old ways..
ARGH im so ANNOYED
why didnt i get it
and its worst coz like now im like freakkin in higher level.. so what now im suupposed to be a math genius.. u know like the elite math geek. but i cant do it.
i cant do shit all.
i might as well die.
in a nut shell.. i am cracking under stress...
starting to honestly go crazy...
i hate life.
just when i thought everything was almost stabilising.. in a weird way..
now im crahing again.
self confidence gone. i was thinking. i hope i die soon... that way i wont have to live up to any expectations.... i dont have to worry about anything.. anyone.. i hate this life..
i wonder if someone murdered me in my last moments whether i would be scared.. scared of leaving life... i dont know.. ill rem the good times i gues.. maybe scraed of leaving people.. but not the life. maybe ill be scared of the pain of death... actually no.. it would remind me of life. u only bleed to know ur alive. ..
i suppose.. likr now when myeart soul and mind are bleeding dry i can look at the bright side and say HEy, Im alive.
unfortunately.
its damn great to be alive.
let the bleeding continue.

Numbing the pain

2006-05-19T19:53:00.000+10:00

Whew, this week has passed by so fast... so many things happened. and its like. woah. .
hahah yes like TURTLE in nemo.,
WOAH.
im so rediculously confused.. honestly ill believe anything right now. ..
maybe its does late nights ive been having.. i am so tired half the time.. i think its affecting my work.. hopefully this weekend ill catch up.. but i doubt it. ,. im looking forward to it though..i need a breather.. something different.. cooped up here in a routine .. i mean HEy im not complaining.. in a way i like it. school i mean.. but its the little things that get you down..
little things..im too observant.. i mean normally ppl have no idea... but i notice the little stuff.. and then me and my stupid analytical mind finds ways of justifying why and how. and then i come the Shock horror confrontation .. which half of me says .., yea as if u paranoid freak. let it be... and the other half is like.. hell no .. what kinda idiot are you...
and so the internal battle of the mind.
anyway me being who i am, chose to be the pessimist..and so now the seeds of doubt have been planted.. and its like i cant look at people in the eye again. .. but then hey. thats inside my mind.. gotta keep up imgaes yea?... so hey. no one likes the crazy dark maniac.. so what do i do? i paint a new mask. a happy one. of joy and love and all that jazz... be normal..
In the process my feelings have numbed down. my confusion is normal.. everything gets progressively scarier and scarier and i on the other hand get increasingly indifferent..
maybe i need this weekend more than i think i do.
i dunno.
i cant wait thought.. will probb go exploring!
haha. so it will be Sweet...
and hopefully restful!

trying to be bigger than the biggerin..

2006-05-09T22:17:00.000+10:00

things are actually blown out of proportion...
i dont need your sympathy.just let me be..
i didnt need that talk.. im doing fine without help... pls just let me be..
its so rediculous.. im made of better stuff than that ..
coz lets be frank... i put myself into the mess.... ill figure a way out.

made from different stuff.

2006-05-07T20:52:00.001+10:00

u know they say you cant look into a wild animals eyes, they feel threatened and look away...
i understand.. i cant look into people eyes. it scares me. i dont like baring my soul .. i dont like people looking into my eyes. i cant stare people in the face...its uncomfortable
im better now though.. ive made eye contact now.. but its so forced.. and i bet the person knows.. its not that i dont wanna talk... its just the fact that i have to look u in the eye. its not that i have anything to hide..
if fact i dont. but i dunno... i shun this human eye contact comfort theory.. the whole sincerity eye to eye thing.. .. which is y i always think im like wierd.. non human..
abnormal....
its like the whole right/ wrong thing... i know everyone knows its right... everyone knows its the right thing..so why do they hold it agaisnt me?
what im doing is right.. i know its right..so why doesnt anyone see it my way??
why is it they have to choose the path that is more socially powerful ... or 'popular' i dont know..
why did i do it.. maybe i shouldnt have.. but it was the right thing to do.. but to what expense?
to have people against me?? why do i go out and find conflict.. i should have just kept quiet. it might not have killed me to turn a blind eye.
so whats wrong with everyone else... sure maybe it can be seen as 'powertripping'...but what wouldthey have done? maybe turned a blind eye..too afraid to stand up... which according to others.. is what i should have done.. i suppose what they would have done.. but i guess i am different... abnormal.

... its been a while

2006-05-03T16:52:00.000+10:00

long time ago i ran into the toilets and cried..
not to long ago i ran to someones room and cry..

long time ago i was insecure about lifes meaning
not too long time ago ive realised that maybe life doesnt have to have a meaning.. and that meaning changes everyday... while according to due dates of work,..

long time ago when i here a certain hymn i think of my old school.
not too long time ago i heard the hymn again.. and it felt good to remember

long time ago i was a chubby monkey that didnt care about anyone xcept the eminem
not too long time ago well im am on a diet- ish.. hehe.. well i say trying. and dropped the goth act

long time ago nobody understood me. or so i thought
not too long time ago i found soulmates

long time ago i didnt believe in so many things.. god.. karma.. energy.. supernatural..
not too long time ago i read the bible voluntarily and meditated..

long time ago i topped the math class without even trying
not too long time ago i realised im the dumbarse of the math class...

long time ago i thought the future is so far away..
not too long time ago ... i took a gazillion photos to keep the past with me.

long time ago i thought farwells were the hardest things and that the relationship eneded there
not too long time ago i got an letter from atsuko in japan

long time ago i saw myself as a mature grown up stuck in a kid
not too long time ago i saw myself as a kid climbing in a tree throwing a acorn at my english teacher

long time ago i thought life sucked major
not too long ago.. i changed my mind,.. it does sux but i like some of it.

long time ago i was in a crowd
not too long time ago i realised i dont belong in this crowd

nowadays... looking back.. the days past so quickly .. too quickly.. its 6 months till the first IB exam. im freaked out.. 6 months till freedom. 6 months and a coupla days till my birthday too
jeez. where did all the years go..?

the fool.

2006-04-29T21:57:00.000+10:00

im so confused.
sometimes its like im talking to a wall.
.... i dunno what im doing..
just confused.
i feel like once again im the fool..chosen the wrong path.. every action theres a reaction.
so chose the wrong action obviously.
in my perfect world... i want to be alone.
where ill never be the fool.

Easter thoughts

2006-04-20T21:35:00.000+10:00

Jesus did not come down to save Buns.
a graffiti sign in melbourne somehwere.
i couldnt have agreed more.

' i think NOT' - Mr bayer quote of the day..
haha
well since joel did an oh-so-exciting commentary on his weekedn. so will i.. haha shorter though.. since i dont have all that un-understandable dota lingo.
...so ...

WEd.
wonderful easter!! heeeheee took the bus .. saw a crazy accident on the road.. a truck on flames.. like those in a movie.. i hope the guy lived..... anyway... and then walked from telstra dome to the city (over that bridge) and almost died... took me and steph what.. 20 mins?? later i found red iimprints on my shoulders from the massive bags that has thankfully healed recently!... met my mom which was cool... and had an awesome chat

Thurs..
had GReat Sleeeppp.... then had lunch in a really funky restaurant where by chance met amanda haz and chuengy..thenmet the posse.. and tol CROWn!!! Lazer mania fun.. i was happy and i got third :) .. and i sux at DDR.. really REALLY REALLY bad.. but nehow played with tin and i think we only passed coz of him. had curry cooked with love by my mom.. ^_^ first spicy curry in a while!

Fri....
er.. dun rememebr much here..oh ya!
Lunch with Joell .. yup the Dnm Lunch!! it was cool coz havent talked in ages!!! and well learnt new stuff and had chinese food... mmm .. hahah it was fun we have to do it again sometime since ur so bz always.. or i am as u say..then went out for dinner with an old friend and her family
was weir.d. AWKward... but then ... the converstion advice from me is .. if u got nothing to talk about.. talk about SCHOOL!
what a loser i am . hahaha... then that night met the azn posse at Hush.. haha had encounters with the bald guy and chopped eyebrow.. weird night.. hahha and really yummy drinks like soho..

Sat..
workked a little and but was sick... boughjt ,medicine and slept.. shopped when i felt better.
bought new jeans!!!

Sun..
dont rem that much... shopped??? met the posse.... worked a bit ..
then that night went to hush again finding it totally empty.. so left and walked arnd with tin and his 2 uni firends steph too obviously .. and then eneded up eating at oriental bistro at like 1ish in the morning.. well FORCED eating.. coz que already ordered..

Mon..
mmm.. AMandas Bday...
went to dandenong and ate at CUckoo... where the people are cuckoo and bother you by yodelling and trying to get u to dance while ur eating soup..
then met up wit the posse that night and went to strike.. only stayed for a bit thou after kicking stephs ass many many times at air hockey..

tues... bought a jackewt!!!!!YIPPE
and studyed.. got my laptop stolen..
and yes .. u can tell my sentences are getting shorter.. getting more and more tired of typing
on my crappy loaned pc that is worse than mine,.. that some f*wit has somewhere in the world/...

anyway new thought of the day..
Diction is amazing.. too much IB english.. coz today i realised someones diction in their speech and it was so sweet hahaha .... funny what too much work does too u ... u start analysing coonversations... diction and stuff. haha

10 % luck .20 % skill.15 % concentrated power of will. 5 % pleasure. 50 % pain

2006-04-10T16:36:00.000+10:00

i think thats so true.. if u wanna cut life up..btw no this isnt really a dnm trend blog.. its a shrine to the song. and also my crap on the pain in my life.

10 % luck.. its so true about luck.. 10 % isnt alot..but way significant...
TOO significant .... unfortunately...its so scray that no one acknowledges it... no one wants to acknowledge the unknown.. and the fact that so much of our life isnot up to us.

20 % skill.. for me i think thats about right.. im not too smart.. if i was a marissa.. id change that figure a bit.. but no.. im a little slow and out of it.. IF only. but i make do with the intellect god gave me.

15 % power of will. .... too true. determination to do the righ thing.. the determintaion to sit here and do work.. not play.. to concentrate and focus.. toward a somewhat hazy future...which suxs. to make myself work towards this goal that i myself am not sre about.

5 % pleasure.. im sorry but im not a happy joy joy person.. i want to be and sometimes i think i paint this image of myself.. making me a happy person.. smiley and stuff.. but really im not.. im sulky and well yea the goth comes out everynow and then ... maybe im skizo.but sometimes happy is an effort.. sometimes its good. but alot of times.. happiness is rare. just like how chocolate is like th eBEST thing in the world.. but it really only lasts in your mouth for like a miniscule part of your life...

50 % .. PAIN.
life suxs.. its a totally bitch.. in only 2 days i witnessed 3 breakdowns..
i hate life. someone asked if i wanted to live forever. i dont.. i dun like this life.. i really dont..
its not that im ignoring the happy stuff of the world. i acknowledge and its great.. sure the sky is blue and everything is PEachy dandy.. and life is what u make out of it etc.
sure its woooonnnndeerfull.. ill live my life to the max now. but what im waiting for is whats after this life. where there is no more 50 % pain. and it will be bliss... after this life. i guess living forever.. but technically not living on earth but in a better place.. where eternity will be just a few seconds.. bcoz there is no more time. but to exist .. withouot the shit of this world.. where everyone is out to get you. and everyday ure stepped on or stabbed ..... contradictory to all that.. life might not be so bad.... but 50 % pain... well..
nuff' said.

L.O.V.E

2006-04-06T17:02:00.000+10:00

my beautiful baby girl.
playing outside the lawn.
without a care in the world.
but soon you will be gone.

when you were born
i couldnt believe
how much you looked like me.
an image so clear none
could deny
and all could plainly see

my little one wont stay at home
forever in the yard
a time will come when ill let go
and i know it will be hard

im sure the hapiness ive known
will stay in my heart
long after you are fully grown.
and we are far apart

but no matter wher you are in this wide wonderous world
ill always treasure you, my dear
as my special baby girl
____________________________

my mom hid this poem on a scrap piece of newspaper she cut out ages ago and i found it somewhere within my books.. its really sweet. and while reading arums blog on love. i thought. Why not? .. love is uber amazing . i swear. but then i hurts like hell. so this is what i think of it
love ur family its all you have. .. they will always be there no matter what. even when you a dickhead and swear and bully them... this love is amazing.. never take it for granted..
i think experiences make you. and the comfy love of your family makes you what you are. it gives you confidence and security..
Love in itself is a concept that im in love with. i want love.. i want to love. its like i wish to love. not saying i want to find a boyfriend. not at all, the concept of love is great, i want that. i guess i dont care about anything else about love. .. haha romantic movies etc.. it sure makes you think about love huh? .. makes you wonder whether someone will realy give everything they have for you? Is there a MR DARCY?.. is there even a such thing?!?!
Not saying that men is the bad guys.. but relistically there is no such thing is mr darcy i dont think.. well i havent met a mr darcy character yet. he is just a character made by a sappy romantic girl, namely jane austen (pride and prejudice).. haha maybe there is . and i have yet to find him? exactly what society wants you to think! Haha . maybe thats just the cynic in me. and that perhaps there are good men- mr darcy in the world. but so far im DOUBTFUL.
so my point is, the concept of having a wonderful relationship like mr darcy & elizabeth is great , but so unrealistic.
ive been there. it was great while it lasted, then as per usual.. nothing good ever lasts for very long... and then your scarred for a while, then your a diff person (from arums blog ) .. but i dont think so. sure im a diff person since i left X. but maybe thats the way it should be. i mean its rocky journeys that really buff you into what you really are. .. not saying that ive changed alot or anything. but i dont think i could go back to what i was with X.. so no . i dissagree with the OTH person who said that stuff. but hey .. if u fall in love with like a man eater and change your eating stle. i say change back!.. ..
.. anyway enough ranting ... need to feed my stomach instead...
its a long entry huh?

happy bday joel!

2006-04-02T20:11:00.000+10:00

wasnt too long ago when i was writing an entry that it was my 17th .. and now its joels!!
hehe!!
ya wasnt too long ago.. hahah 17 !! yippe the year of limbo no longer really a kid but not yet legal.haha oh well not that thats going to stop him.
jk!
its shure been long i havent blogged. coz of school etc..
anyway school isnt so bad. i feel at home in my room. i love it .. its like my santuary! SO UBER COMFY
.. anyway i guess so much has happened i dunno where to start. but life has been hectic!
and as per usual im confused !. read revelations today.. ( steph said to try reading it ) ... and all the stuff in that book. it scares me. challenges alot of stuff .. in a way Life is unfair... but i guess fairness is a human concept right?? like i could be born an ant. that would be unfair. if i was an ant and say theres 30 ants walking across the walkway and steph walks on like 20.. its so unfair but if u were one of the 20 TOO BAD!
if u were in the libing 10 yippeee. but there is totally no FAIRness in this world!
its a human concept made by a fat man not wanting to risk having less jellybeans than the next fat man

?

2006-03-21T00:24:00.001+11:00

SO sososos many things happened recently that i wanna put up here.. just for the sake of it hah
... mm one thing.. had my first solo drive yesterday.. and yes i am alive! today i drove too, had to park too! and reverse out ,.. which took a while but i made it!
hehe ill be good in no time! ^_^
and last night i went to the coolest restrount it a revolving restaurant! how cool is that.. Ubersurreal and slighly nauseating, it goes an hour a revolution
which is fast!.. and like the food was okay.. but weird eating and moving.. kinda sickeneing but funny.. had reallly really yummy chocolate fondant .. like all liquidy chocolate oozing out from crunchy chocolate yumyumyum..
.. what else weird happend in the last 48 hrs... er... some random asked me for money today!! i freaked.
i was driving back (myself) haha anyway had to manual open the gate.. (long story on that but nayway ) then this guy comes up to the gate after closing it and getting back int o the car to park it,
g * in malay : mrs! mrs !
me: huh?
g: i need your help
me: huh? my malay isnt good
g: huh ur not malay?
mme: .. y?? npot really
g: your chinese?
me (thinking.. okay.... now what? just go away!): ya
g:ur chinese?
me: yes
g: but this is dtuk harris's house right?
me: so?
g: u are chinese?
me: OKAY.. SO What??
g *changes to english: i need you r help.. i school there *points to the school opp my hse..
i need money for school fees..
me (thinking.. the govrnmnet school??
after more pleading i freaked and ran into my car and eventually he left.
so yea

?

2006-03-21T00:24:00.000+11:00

caught between

2006-03-18T18:31:00.001+11:00

after reading arums post,,,,, it got me thinking..abt growing up and stuff..
and like.. what am i going 2 do??if i do med... theres a FAT chance i wont make it into melb, which like i wanna go coz i have frenz there.. i would prb have a better chance at like i dunno some other one in aust, in comparison, Unless i do so crap that i cant do med at all, then i stick with something else?? Am i choosing that uni coz of people..
do i really want to be a doc??? yes... but then going to some uni in like tassie or something????i dun think so........ i dunno it scares me to think its so soon... think im just afraid of failure!...
its weird coz i thought 18 would be like the climax of my life or something,, total freedom, drugs sex rock and roll etc hahaha..
i dunno..
anyway on a diff line, i managed to persuade my mom for a peircing on the top ear part... and we scoured a mall for one.. and like none do it... haha maybe its a sign. or ill just do it in spore or smth.. if i dont chicken out by then..hopefully
if i can find a non dodgy place to do it..

entertainment when home alone

2006-03-17T17:15:00.000+11:00

1,switch on every light, fan , applience, then run around the house switching them randomly off, gives the impression that ppl are around..

2. awake the sleeping hamster and try to figure out hamster language , i tried squeky noises.

3. call some long distance friend/family.. talk about something old, like recipes with your grandma..

4. Dont bake.. unless its foolproof, coz this time your stuck with cleaning, and usually somehow the cake dont seem to work when the maid isnt around

5. Paint fingernails..

6. Count seconds till you cant take it anymore..

7. Finally try your sisters violin and play hearts content without looking like a fool..

8.Look for the elusive hidden stashes of chocolate

9.Make hidden booby traps for people

10. more Extended Essay...

11. Mass email abusive stuff to 'your best friend' Doc White about IB life

12. re-read books..

13. when you finally remeber you have a tv, switch it on,.. somehow i only catch like 5 mins of something good, till something crap comes on..

14. make random ransom notes from the paper after scouring new articles for eco portfolio..

15. Start on that massive handout of fission and fusion.

16. if your anything like me, play some old game

17. putt on the fake green thingo

18. eat blueberry cereal and loads of till you feel sick

19. blog.

20. take the yoga mat into the garden and meditate.

* only applies to the weird ppl amongst you..

15 march. 2.20

2006-03-16T14:01:00.000+11:00

ahh.. and the holidays have been moosing along.. wakeing late.. sleeping early.. hahah well ish. .. getting more sleep.. more food.. more drink.. hahaha just healing from school! .. like scars and bruises from school is all healing up 2.. home is soo theraputic!^_^its all good and yumm
^_^heheh eating lunch by the pc.. noodles and the works.. yumyum.. xcept the fishball is slightly rubbery.. but i bought the stuff myself! yea .. streak on indeoendence! drove my mom to the airport and went to the market and bought ingredeints to my lunch..all myself! im so proud.hahah xcept the liitle fact that the company driver sat in the front seat just to make sure i didnt crash,,
so i sat through the whole thing while he lectured me on overtaking...anyhow it went fine ^_^
im getting better, which is great.. and my confidence is building as well, i can pretty much manuever around without slowing down and braking all the time ..

went to the gym yesterday, and was running on the treadmill , and like on the treadmills next 2 me there was these 2 guys.. and one was slow while the other was pretty fast .. so i tried to like out pace them.. (yea i know how lame, but when ruunning you need some entertainment!)
and like the slow guy was easy., but the fast guy was fast!,... and like it look so easy for him, like he was talking to the slow one and laughing.. i mean laughing?? i can hardly breathe!!
then like i saw these couples come into the gym, (walking past, since the gym is like a aquarium) like an old guy and a hot young girll,.. so life is soo unfair, men can run and totally look untired and stuff, toatally more physically advantaged, and they age gracefully! well enough tpo get a younger partner! .. thats so unfair, i doubt some hot young guy will want me when im 60..
its soo unfair!!! so thats my input from thinking while running... btw i did run longer and faster than the fast guy in the end..:)

ive been having tuition as well,, math by this girl called mary and chem by this indian dude called pressaad ,, was pretty cool, and they are both pretty young.. so im thinking this is a potential job for me in jan next yr... hahahhaha

free internet?

2006-03-12T17:58:00.000+11:00

what a nerd i am.. in coffee bean using the internet, haha the line at home is not stable or aome crap like that..
so yea using the free but turned out not so free internet in coffee bean
.. hols so far has been so weird... been driving around .. with someone in the car of course! ..
but its so surreal..
and like every other holiday i have like load of prep ,..and for the first time im not going to keep putting it off... hopefully!
but like im missing school.. like my bed and the freedom of my own room.. yes i share with my sis ..and i have like forgotten about maids.. coz like all my stuff has been totally re-organised ,. which i freaked out thinking that like some freako went through my stuff.. then remebered.. that i have a maid.
but otherwise living with my family again is totally weir.d. okay so its only been like 6 weeks of school.. but im so used to my little room.. that going home is weird..
maybe its just me..

the antithesis..

2006-02-21T22:14:00.000+11:00

Sooner or later in life everyone discovers that perfect happiness is unrealisable, but there are a few who pause to consider the antithesis: that perfect unhappiness is equally unattainable.’
- Primo Levi , If this is a man [ My World Lit book....:( ]

Its so true.... i keep thinking about it eversince i highlighted it and wrote in my ' angela's grid' thingo... maybe i was always looking for perfect hapiness...anyway past few days have been fun..

i dun think i mention hide and seek on sunday.. but tt was FUN!
being a child was really good fun.. like funfun.. like if i could only be a bunny and lollop in the grass all day fun... it was cool seeing the child side of somepeople and like their hiding abilities and stuff!! haha * somehow steph was always caught first hm..... heehee
anyway .. that was cool.. and then went around selling more earings..and stuff.. we are still under.. and havent made bvack the money invested.. sigh.. must be bad times.. maybe ppl are too stingy.! haha oj well
anyway today was cool.. i found ms hayes ..YUP my EE back in order. hopefully.. and also the other cool thing was meditation... omg it was amazing....
im so happy..... so so so so happy. ^_^ my faith is reaffirmed.. like yea.
one thing though there was someone who was there who i didnt trust so hopefully, tt person doesnt like freak out!.. anyway..
yea im am so satisfied. im tired and have so much prep...
but conclusion. antithesis proves true!

stained

2006-02-18T23:56:00.000+11:00

i wanna be an angel. people are so weird. i dont understand. maybe im a alien.

random thoughts for the past few days

2006-02-15T20:04:00.000+11:00

- i am convinced now that v day isnt so bad. i hated it coz yr 10s get hyper and un sleepy like which = no prep time for me.
- the hermi/cuthy bbq was fun.. bacon oil is gross and painful . word of advice, dont ever fry it ,. let someone else do it. do somthing else like pancakes.
- v day was evidence of if u want something done get it done urself. ( cuthy boys are lazy)
- 3 roses. ^_^ thnx ppl hu sent them. they are opening up really well.. i stuck it in an old prefume bottle ..
- i like dot points
- i have realised that ppl are starting to call me kat now.. the harri period is over.. timbertop days...
- swimming was actually fun i shouldnt have been so nervous... i won my breaststroke event ^_^
- hermi roxs totally and clyde suxs.. thou we didnt win. there are 2 champion overall and 1 runner up ...GREEN PRIDE. tomorrow i wont be able to speak.
- dont wear contacts in the pool... and my pruple dye didnt run in chlorine! ^_^
- im so dead tired ..
- tried meditation and love it. it is amazing. :)
- today was my last ever swimming sport day. how sad. im glad i gave it all.
- tok suxs. and yes math is very beautiful.
- according to hendo during our crazy sex talk, we will all die either from STD or from loneliness of no children.
- some people are very superficial. and i hate secrets. they are always something they cant say .. but where is the line drawn? where do i stand.?
- i like johnny cash now
- im addicted to fort minor. . but some song makes me cry.
- everyone is alone in this world . how weird is that? camus has tought me that.
- life has tought me some cool stuff the past few days..after my day on friday i learnt alot.

slit my wrist and hope to die

2006-02-10T23:06:00.000+11:00

i feel like shit....like im really messed up...
if this is my transitional phase to heaven.. all i can say is i hate transits..

$$ grows on trees???

2006-01-20T00:26:00.000+11:00

heheh okie first 2 days here have been the best^_^
yesterday started of with shopping with my gma.. who boughts me like some clothes.. and the brought me to a place with the BEST xiao long bao!!!yumyumyum.. then met up woth rui.. and walked arnd taka.. looking at golf shops.. and way ex. stuff.. like hermes and tiff. co. etc.... just pretending to be Rich hahaha.. then met up with christine!!!! omg i have missed her soo much! and im so glad she hasnt changed!! haha then joyce came along.. hahahah it was hilarious... coz like the 2 girls are like er.. hello ... oh ya.. r-ae... and rui is like.. im gay,.... lets go to hugo boss!!
at hugo boss.. rui chats to the guy abt jackets and while we checked out the sales guy.. hahaha he was so nice! and rui friend came in.. and turns out she knew chris.. Small world huh???? .. so rui and girl split from us.. and it was shopping!!! and got a lift from her mom back.. which was nice.. coz it was raining.. then after dinner i caught up/ debated on chinavs india with jem .. it sucs coz he just had an leg op. so could meet him..
an dtoday.. well. rui was gonna drag me to sentosa ( only beach in spore) hahabut it wasnt sunny.. so instead went to town ( seems like the only place to go somehow) and met up with lindy as well.. and watched MEMOIRS OF A GEISHA! it was good! exactly what i thought it would be...except in english!... and zhang ziyi is soo pretty!!! i wanna be just like her!
hahah
anyway then followed lindy to bugis ( some other mall place) and met up with her semi good looking friend coz like everygirl checked him out..,. like fully
hahaha and then her friends decided that town is better.. so back to orchard (again) ,..,, and we split up from there.. and went sample testing.. what cheapfree loaders huh?? hahah theres this chinese new yr food fest.. and i swaer i tried evry stalls food... heheheh... then to M.A.C ...
where yes under amandas influence i decided.. ok.. im going to see wha the fuss is.. and ended up talking to the sales girl for ages abt makeup and stuff nd bought like a bit... yay! so excited!
hahah ... felt super super guilty coz of $$.... and so instead of going train-cab home .. i went cheap train-bus-walk-walk-walk home.. it was far!!!... and it rained.. all for my precious mac stuff! my feet were killing me.. bad day for wedges... coz my house is like on a hill 2..
haha i love spore... . if i had money ... id live here..
one day.

Singapore!!

2006-01-18T12:33:00.000+11:00

well.. obv as the title says.. guess where i am??
yep! i love this place! my dog and styff!! took my like almost 100yr old dog for a walk.. was afraid shell get a heart attack..shes so old!! but shes like my only only pet ive actually LOVED.. ( notice loved?) so hopefully the heart attack or whatever it is is a fast painless death.. coz shes sure OLD!..another thing abt spore is my couzs.. ok elder one is like.. in grade 3??- annoying kid.. little nosy. in ur face .argh just cant take tt one.. her little sis thou is so cute.. shes here actually sitting by her self singing jinglebells.. i think.. sounds like buglechells..omg and she found a magifying glass heehee shes funny..amd spore the place where im like forever trying to call ppl up and meet up.. 6 days at first was .long now im thinking argh .. i wsh it was longer! i have no time for all the ppl i wanna meet! i cant wait..
so far i think ill be meetinbg rui todayand one of my old friends later.. ^_^
i think its the things abt these ppl that i love that makes me wish that i didnt go to aust.. and stay here...i wonder. i suppose id be in jc right?... haha sometimes i wish i didnt go..aust is great.. this place is good too..
anyway so far i havent done much here xcept be on the phnoe the whole entire time ive been here !!
last night typical. i talked till like 2??? i have so much to say and so little time..
but aust is good too! hahaha.. ib sounds like a hole after listening to what some ppl are saying abt school here....
oh well!!!

roughin it up in the wild!

2006-01-13T22:11:00.000+11:00

my week was spent on little houses/shacks in the middle of nowheere..
tuesday was at the dirty house on the praire style... with the grosses toilet known to mankind.. and an air con that splutters.. pro's abt it is my dad bought crabs.. so there was a crab fest.. yummy and also a durian fest... where i found out the secret that the best durian is the one that has been pecked by a bird.. i mean its like natural chosen!! the other durian compartments( apart from the pecked one) was like a bite of smelly durian cream heaven.. cons abt it was toilet.. dirty,dirty floors.. and i had to sleep in the same room with my dad for the first time in like.. 6 yrs or so, now i know y.. he snores soo bad.. i couldnt sleep the whole night... even after i woke him up several times...after that horrible night.. i had to go visiting so i gueass hari raya haj is a malay version of chinese new yr without ang paos thou... we visiting i swear ,the biggest house i have ever seen and a big-but-not-so-big house.. both were filthy, i mean okay so its a big house.. but investing on curtains and new chairs that didnt sink, have louses, or holes would be nice..but they had ostriches thou.. 19 of them!!! apprarently u can sell an egg for 1000 ringgit.,,and they lay one every month.. so thats y their house is huge.. too bad for the no angpao bit!!! hahahha
so tt was my wonderful culture shock.. i was speechless throughout..i mean the osama bin ladens were too much to handle..
then i went to the diving place with stephy..
and went diving!!! 4 times on the first day..hehehhe .. lots of nudie branches.. squids.,. i fat cuttlefish!!!
then more diving ans sleeping.. taning in moderation!!! while trying ri read.. didnt work at all! but diving and eating is the life!!then the on to the plantation.. wher it was tv mania!..
and stuff.. u know food.. lazying arnd.. eating,,,, yummyum
then yaaaaaaa...
first day at home in a while.... yes!! whew

My Ringgit paradise

2006-01-09T18:36:00.000+11:00

haha getit my?? as in malaysia ?? omg im so smart... hahaha... okie sorry..
anyway i just realised to day is kk is the bestest place ever.. i mean this is so where i wanna retire..
i mean hu needs the carribeans/maldives.. i have my tropical seas and beaches right here! shoppings not bad.. and everytihng is cheap and good!!
ok example .. i had lunch with my mom today.. she had claypot rice .. i had laksa.. and 2 drinks right.. her food was R$4 .. my laksa was the 'biggest ' portion..( coz i had no idea there were even portions.. and typical asian! gypped with the hugest..) was R$4.5.. and drinks altogether R$4.. so altgether 12.50... so convert to oz dollars.. its like 4 ++ bucks.. no joke.. 4 bucks in oz i think doesnt even get me the bacon dlux burger at hungry jacks.. and im bot even talking abt the meal... if i knew abt this portion thing.. and if i had a little appitite.. which i dont.. but anyhow.. the smal portion of laksa is 2.80... which is exactly $1 buck in oz.. hmm with 1 buck i could chip in with someone and buy half a sushi..
anyhow... im getting dragged to membakut... ?? no idea where it is... massive road trip..
for the hari raya haji.. im not quite show how to celebrate this! maybe ill have to wrap banana leaves on rice...

humansters..

2006-01-06T15:43:00.000+11:00

i was watching those hamster rodents ..while i was feeding them kuaci ( ps.. hurrah for CNY!!!! ) and its weird how the female hamsters are the FAT one and the male ones are skinny as,,
either shes pregnant.. or thats just the way it is.. i think i rem watching somewhere tt some animals females are biggger.. ok.. so maybe childbirth is a huge part of life so mother nature made women fatter and larger..
molly..(named by the awesome namer me;)) fully runs and grabs all the food and stuffs it down her cheeks.. while the poor male counterpart hamster.. just sits there.. when i tried to feed him.. molly like jumps on top and fully snatches it away.. so like females are like the dominant one in the relationship.. y are humans so screwed up then? i mean like conventional asian girls are tiny!! and tts the way society wants them.. not even talking about twiggy.. i mean just asia for now.. like girls are meant to be petite, cute small.. etc etc.. i mean like i know someone hus tall.. and im like WOah.. i wanna be just like u!! and her moms like tall is bad!! how is she gonna find a taller guy??
okie totally understandable.. but would it matter.. i mean molly is the fattest hamster i ever seen! and the male one .. ( name is dewey .. coz hes a pushover) is thin, hamster terms...
.. okie enuff of my random ranting abt the whacked world..!!
oh ya and i was taking down the christmas tree and it was all blike sentimental and stuff coz i found all this old ornatments tt i made when i was a kid and its like omg im old.
yup recently my days have been filled with very domestic stuff.. i cooked the other day...
which didnt turn out 2 bad.. luckily! feed hamsters...take down tree etcetc..talking abt dimestic.. i was helping my sis chose a 'club' for school.. and theres a club called 'domestic help' club..
okay .. so u learn to vacuum and dust.. great! wonder how many ppl join ..
oh ya.. i had my first driving lesson.. like actually driving.. hahha meaning first time im not listening to some gay malay lecture..andthe guy was soo annoying.. he speaks chinese which is fine.. but like some words.. its hard to understand.. like he said 'fang brake' * fang meaning like put in direct english.. which could mean push the brake or let go.. turns out he meant let go.. after much experimentinfg and him getting mad.. i finally could drive like around the driving school place!!!! and then like somehow i managed to drive all the way home.. which is like 30 hour away!!! hehehe! and i only stalled traffic twice!! like the clutch and accelerator was pressed at the same time.. so i was pretty much like revving the engine in the middle of the road.. haha
but its pretty scray doing like big turns.. and traffic junctions and roundbouts.. it kinda felt like driving a golf buggy.. so maybe its not so scary after all!
yippe ill be driving soon!..
on a boring note i have started one of my old puzzles stuff yesterday.. i know right what a nerd!~ its 3-d so its kinda cool ... and if i finish it .. itll be higher than my knee..hehehe !! so far im not way near done.. its a mini replica of the big ben... but its actually pretty fun.! haha .. i never done one so big b4.. i did i really cool japanese temple a few times.. and it got boring so i bought like this one.. thinking yay! i can do this.. and ive always given up..
so like my transition from pokemon to puzzle is almost complete!!!! from one game to another..
btw im almost at the poke league place..on victory road.. hahaha

Last Resort. -PaPa roach..

2006-01-04T12:45:00.000+11:00

Cut my life into pieces
This is my last resort
Suffocation
No breathing
Don’t give a fuck if I cut my arm bleeding
This is my last resort
Cut my life into pieces
I’ve reached my last resort
Suffocation
No breathing
Don’t give a fuck if I cut my arm bleeding
Do you even care if I die bleeding
Would it be wrong
Would it be right
If I took my life tonight
Chances are that I might
Mutilation outta sight
And I’m contemplating suicide
Cuz I’m losing my sight
Losing my mind
Wish somebody would tell me I’m fine
Losing my sight
Losing my mind
Wish somebody would tell me I’m fine
I never realized I was spread too thin
Till it was too late
And I was empty within
Hungry
Feeding on chaos
And living in sin
Downward spiral where do I begin
It all started when I lost my mother
No love for myself
And no love for another
Searching to find a love up on a higher level
Finding nothing but questions and devils
Cuz I’m losing my sight
Losing my mind
Wish somebody would tell me in fine
Losing my sight
Losing my mind
Wish somebody would tell me I’m fine
Nothing’s alright
Nothing is fine
I’m running and I’m crying
I’m crying
I can’t go on living this way
Cut my life into pieces
This is my last resort
Suffocation
No breathing
Don’t give a fuck if I cut my arm bleeding
Would it be wrong
Would it be right
If I took my life tonight
Chances are that I might
Mutilation outta sight
And I’m contemplating suicide
Cuz I’m losing my sight
Losing my mind
Wish somebody would tell me I’m fine
Losing my sight
Losing my mind
Wish somebody would tell me I’m fine
Nothing’s alright
Nothing is fine
I’m running and I’m crying
I can’t go on living this way
Can’t go on
Living this way
Nothing’s alright

evaluation + conclusion

2006-01-02T21:59:00.000+11:00

after reading joels posts..
ive decided to steal idea and do a self eval.. haha
so this year
hmm..
acedmically .. i feel more dumber than ever,. but at the same time.. ive clocked the most hours for revising for an exam than i ever have..
this is the first year that i have woken up early to study!! * coffcoff damn chem!!
personally.. i think i have this yr finally learnt to accept myself i guess im not as self conscious anymore.. :) and i guess i have let go of some past issues tt were a big weight on me yay!
hmm what else.. socially.. the azn posse! need i say more? and got to know some ppl this yr tt i would have thought i wouldv never knew.. not coz of anything.. but like just didnt think well be friends and poof but we are!!
hmm what else.. hmm up to date.. i have gotten more in tune with my child ( pokemon.. anime my pikachu toy) but im still getting older ., hu know abt mature,, i hope so!
what else.. i went to hk this yr.. shopped alot.. prob found out tt its one of lifes many pleasures.. also this yr i have discovered my love for the sun and that it isnt such a horiible black making machine..
in a way ive learnt the value of money more than ever.. wakeboarding prices have gone up this yr.. talking abt prices... ive know alot more abt economics.. well the IB! doi..
.. conclusion...
this yr was alright.. learnt stuff.. lost stuff.. made new bonds .. and within this time span.. must have lost a few brain cells.. ! hopoefully 2006 will mean
- regrowth of my brain
- not the end of the world ( i mean this yr was full of hurricanes..etc..)
- WORLD PEACE! hahahah
- lots of new anime
- renewed intrest in life/ acedemics
- finishing Ib happy
- hopefuklly growing another inch or so
- nirvana.. hahah
./.. so far 2006..
has been BEACH!! Island!!! water .. sea!! which has been a great 2 days..
but downside phone got stolen.. yup my baby is gone.. a moment grace
but on the bright side my darling mother bought me a new one.. which i fell so bad for.. i mean at the phone shop i was ready to die.
2006.. is just another yr i guess,.
new yrs is overated !
but life is great.. and it took me so far this whole life now.. all 17 years ! to figure this out.

' another year past' monster

2005-12-30T21:28:00.000+11:00

okay 2nd last day of yr 2005..and im already in the whole omg a year past mood
this year past by too quickly!! like new stuff this yr... im 17... im going into the last yr of school...
like my uncle today at lunch was like.. woah... ur old.. and its like.. if u think its weir.d. how bt me.. he was nice abt it thou.. offered to buy me anything i want haha
so this year ive broken the kiddie boundary.. im going to be yr 12 next yr.. which sounds like a long time from now .. but its in 2 days.. like i expect next yr to be like BANG and something great.. but its just 2 days from now.. and im prob going to beach on the 1st
i was cleaning my room last night..( yea im kinda weird.. i was the only one awake sorting out my styff..) and i went thru my old jewelery,, and its like.. woah i used to wear this kinda stuff!?!?.. all those black leather cords.. * coffcoff.. howd i like them?? and like almost satanic black pendents and stuff.. and lots of cord and lik sharks teeth amd stuff.. then compared to the recent necklace i bought.. all beady and charmy .. AHH im growing up.. just weird..i wanted to chuck some of the old stuff out.. like i found pokemon coins.. like for playing the card games .. and lots of receipts and notes dating 1998 and stuff.. ( yes i hardly clean my styff) .. so im sentimental with some stuff!.. i mean like somehow i always feel like someday ill need iot ..
OK.. prob not .. but Maybe!!
this is prob y my drawers and stuff are really cluttered.. i found some old polly pocket stuff.. haha that must be from like more than 10 years ago.. im such a sucker for keeping stuff..
hmm on another note.. today i had indian food for lunch.. it was soo yummy.. pappadum is yummy..
omg i just rem.. turns out im indian.. SHockHorrOr!,,,i mean nothing wronmg with indian.. but like i always thought i was malay.. and im indian.. coz my fathers fathers father was a pure indian.. so im indian right? but since his wife was malay, the whole family gets converted.. but technically im indian.. no wonder i like pappadums and naans!!^_^
oh one more thing.. i saw a pic of houngz 2day.. hpow random!
like he told me he visited my families diving resort b4 and i was like cool! then today i wasg oing thru the resorts photo album.., on one page it swas like" 1998 MR WIlliam Houng Lee visiting from K.L" .. then all these pics.. i recognise his sis anywhere.. i mean its like theyv never changed.. his dad too.. okie houngz is so cute and small he's like sitting on a chair drinking a coconut and his legs dun reach the ground .. i think maybe he was like 6 or 7? maybe younger .. how small is the world!!

green pajamas+ purple nail polish

2005-12-29T00:24:00.000+11:00

a few random thoughts to give u a t our of my recent mind state!
- it rains so much.. i think it will flood.. but ill be safe.. i mean.. im in an apartment...
- apparently theres this hot guy hus a bro of this guy i used to know when i was little.. and hes playing golf.. so maybe ill follow my sis 2moz to golf ! haha
- oyakodon is better in melb.
- some ppl are realy thick skinned
- the most harmless looking ppl can be the most harmful.. * cough cough old one eyed blind man
- this manual thing is hard!! the clutch jerks the whole car .. and people laughed at me!!!!!:(
- many people know my family.. and they seem to think its weird that theres an elder daughter..
- hamster are starting to grow on me.. i think their getting cuter and cuter!
- someone steals chocolate in my house.. i mean family should never steal from family!!!
- you see the most unexpected ppl in the gym..
- some men are way too muscley

peace and goodwill to all mankind!!!

2005-12-26T00:53:00.000+11:00

Merry Christmas !!!!!
^_^
yipee time for chocolates.. pudding.. santa.. presents.. turkey.. love.. lots of cards.. and torturous renditions of christmas carols on the piano!!but twas good !! last night ( christmas eve ) was cool.. jun, aunty jen and family + her father in law came over .. so 10 all together + us ..^_^ it was such a random funny night.. my dad dissapeared like at 4 to 'buy cheese' and when ppl came at like 7 he still wasnt back..so we waited .. 4 him.. since he conveniently left his phone at home.. neways he came back drunk. but by then ppl were getting tipsy.. and like i was like curled on the floor starving..but there was so much food coz they brought food!! it was yum.. like 3 helpings?!?! hhaha im such a pig..and i tried my luck at entertaining / having an intresting convo with keith the old american father in law haha .. and then like parfait??- no idea.. but in layman kampong words.. icecream cake?!?!
neways jun was soo drunk and like chasing tasha the 3 yr old baby around.. my sis and theother kid like singing loudly .. and me trying to talk to the old man abt mind over body haha
neways the party broke up..
and like the next days.. was presents!!^_^ hehe i got the coolest watch!! and bag!! and cute stuff!.. neways tradition wise.. my sis and i went over to the loks place as we do on the 25 od dec every yearand then waste dthe day pretty much.. hanging arnd.. looking at my watch!!:)
and then we went to the fair!!^_^.. which is cool
coz there were some good rides.. like there was one spinning thingy,, which was typical malaysian .. no seatbelts right.. hahha neways it spun round.. and like my poor couz got squished coz we all fell on him...haha
but there was the not so good ones.. like it was this like individual seats thingo.. 2/3 person per carridge and like there was a huge mob in front of the entrance gate thing.. and so me and steph is like.. heehee well push closer!! anyhowas the ride slows down.. people rushes up towards the seats and chase them.. and like books and watches the poor victim come off and snatch the seat.,.then the poor conductor guy will go arnd and get tokens... nehows... we got pushed and got close too the enterance so we like ran up to get into a carridge .. and steph sat down.. but this huge man PUSHED her off.. and we like wth... so we waited .. and like RAN on and both of us stood by the carridge and watched/harrassed the poor couple to get out.. our poor sis werent so lucky.. and shared carridges.. and my couzs.. were so small they got pushed out of the crowd.. hahha all in all pretty funy i guess!!
guess what we are going back tomoz haha

i believe a man can change his destiny till his destiny is revealed to him

2005-12-24T01:45:00.000+11:00

the last samurai is great!
i wish i was a samuria!! and id die with honour on a battlefield.. or killed by my frind by my own sword.. haha
well my past fre days were ok.. uneventfull.. yesterday i went to my family office. and was the bell boy/girl... ended buying people egg tarts etc..
( wow the magic of cordless keyboard.,, im just watching and typing!!!!!)
oy was cool.. xcept i hate the whole havent seen u iin a longgg time!! stuff. and the japanese yatsu man was there.. so i gave him my evilest evil eye and ran off to go shopping!... to no avail since my money is all spent.. and then went swimming at stephs house which was a reunion of the old days..
we made up jumps and played with water ballons .. its fun to be a kid and eat christmas cookies!!
and i explored her new house.. its soo amazing!! its so unsabah..
omg the war scene now..
i swear my heartbeat is faster... omg the human resolute is amazing..
its like tt right ya fat oily officer/corrupted official...
sniff.. omg cant tyoe anymore.. this movie is way too overpowering!!

time goes by SoOO sLOWLy!!

2005-12-22T15:38:00.000+11:00

Your Power Color Is Indigo

At Your Highest:

You are on a fast track to success - and others believe in you.

At Your Lowest:

You require a lot of attention and praise.

In Love:

You see people as how you want them to be, not as how they are.

How You're Attractive:

You're dramatic flair makes others see you as mysterious and romantic.

Your Eternal Question:

"Does This Work Into My Future Plans?"

What's Your Power Color?

and my porn name is ruby lips..

and i am a daisy person?!?!?

my element is .... METAL.. hey 1988 is metal dragon.. or gold dragon right?...

p.s i really am addicted to that song!

omg desperate housewives

2005-12-21T00:47:00.000+11:00

omg this is soo intense at the moment.,,,
i dunno what has really gone on.. thi is like the 3rd episode ive ever watched but .. like omg y cant this damn commercial hurry up!!..
omg its started again..
okie it ended the ending was whack... i hate the silly dead person voice..
hahah anyway omg i cant wait till next week.. how pathetic!! ^_^
neways the internet in malaysis hasnt veen working again..annoying!!
anyway ot much on my mind recently.., everything s like clockwork..
my life is like hamster.. pokemon,. work? food... tv,... gym... golf..
hahah
tts it...
how boring.

its raining babies!

2005-12-18T00:05:00.000+11:00

my uncle left to america and he left 8 little cute unfriendly hamsters with us .. 4 seperate boxs! .. so yay tts all cool.. obv he doesnt know my bad luck with hamsters..
anyway this morning i went to put some food in .. and i saw like a little hole.. and sometimes they bury food so i was like.. cool and was gonna drop food in .. till i saw it move.. its as in 5 little baby hamsters.. no hair.. no eyes.. and yucky transulecent skin and little little clawy finger paws..
gross as.. anyhow i freaked out called evryone... checked the net etc.. and turns out mommies will eat the babies if the dads get to close .. coz they are territorial.. obv rodent version of PMS.. anyway so trying to figure out which was the male hamster without touching the freakin sleeping hamsters was hard..eventually i settled with the dad being the one in a pumpkin toy thing..and i lifted the whole pumpkin and daddy hamster freaked out .. i freaked out.. i chucked it into the other box and was like omg.. this better be the dad! anyway so fixed it all.. and then the fat mom.. the ugly white hamster goes and sits in the hole
and u cant see what shes doing..so i freaked .. but eventually got distracted by the tv.. anyhow after a happy day of shopping!!^_^ and hair cut!! ps my hair is short! i came home and stared at the white fur ball thingo which didnt move.. and when the fat thing did.. theres one left.. so she digested 4 of her young within a day..then the gros thing ate all the food i put out.. ALL.. Its so fat already.. and there was one baby left.,..1!!!.. okay i dont like hamsters,.. its like.. if ur lucky u had 1/5 chance of being that hamster survivor.. and the others where eaten by ur own mother.. GROSS..
well thats one baby story.. the other is at the driving range the cutest luttle kid came with his dadwith a ginormous blue hat and a little plastic pulley golf set.. he was soo small!!!! and his sticks as well .. and he followed his dad and sat on the golf mat pushing vballs with his little set .. it was soo cute!!!
p.s im gonna name the hamster NEMO!

update on the hols...^_^

2005-12-14T23:53:00.000+11:00

well so far so good..
but mt life is being run by an ugle chicken called.. er.. i dunno chikenbusken?
i dunno.. its pokemon ruby.. im hooked.....
i cant help it!
anyway my dad is back..
so yea lfe at the moment is kinda emotional turmoil.. but its all good coz my chickenbuster thingo is at level19!!!!
yay!

HOLIDAYS!!!^_^

2005-12-10T20:44:00.000+11:00

holidays!!!
heheh need i say more?
its been so far really chilled.. ive pretty much just slept all day!!! and ate and ate.. my routine when i just come home is always the same.. unpack.. shower.. and SLEEP!!!
lots of it!! then had to study some malay stuff for my driving theory paper today...omg it was soo FLUKY!!!... i passed bythe way.. like just ,,, whew,,, the malay is so hard.. i fully guessed and waslike.. er this one looks familiar..
the malay is too advanced!!!!!heheh but after this holiday i can DRIVe!!!
YES!!!!
hehehehhe
and th ebest part is christmas is soo soon!!! we put up the tree last night.. looks b crappy.. and messy hahah .. oh well we tried
its weird being back with my family.. like ive almost never gone but theres still a kind gap ish .. i dunno..
but neways god i love holidays!!

xmas ball & the after math

2005-12-04T16:00:00.000+11:00

xmas ball fri night!! it was pretty good..
ill put somepics up later..
but yea it was good. after th WORST day ... on friday..
omg exams have been so crap.. ive overburnt from wed .... no its like MEH.. i cant work anymore. i mean i have chem tomoz.. im scared like hell..
and im typing my blog..
arghh...
okie.. i better go study,.,.............
sigh.. almost till the hols....
anyway icecreamnight last night we raised 172 bucks.. but not enough.. fully not at our target!!! we gonna have to do it again next yr or szmth...
oki..gotta concentrate on chemm.. and some gay fourthies are trying to do taibo with the punching bags outside in the courtyard ..shouting left and right...arghh
MMUST STUDY!!
sigh ... i need a tape with all my chem stuff tt i can sleep with..
okie.. gtg concentrate!

i am such a loser with too much time wasteD!

2005-12-02T09:16:00.000+11:00

Your Personality Is

Rational (NT)

You are both logical and creative. You are full of ideas.
You are so rational that you analyze everything. This drives people a little crazy!

Intelligence is important to you. You always like to be around smart people.
In fact, you're often a little short with people who don't impress you mentally.

You seem distant to some - but it's usually because you're deep in thought.
Those who understand you best are fellow Rationals.

In love, you tend to approach things with logic. You seek a compatible mate - who is also very intelligent.

At work, you tend to gravitate toward idea building careers - like programming, medicine, or academia.

With others, you are very honest and direct. People often can't take your criticism well.

As far as your looks go, you're coasting on what you were born with. You think fashion is silly.

On weekends, you spend most of your time thinking, experimenting with new ideas, or learning new things.

The Three Question Personality Test

i came the mail

2005-12-01T17:29:00.000+11:00

i came the mail
Originally uploaded by katrinah.

i always thought i came in a box..

2005-12-01T17:24:00.000+11:00

Your Superhero Profile

Your Superhero Name is The Platypus Hammer
Your Superpower is Seduction
Your Weakness is Alcohol
Your Weapon is Your Power Blade
Your Mode of Transportation is Rocket

What's your Superhero Name?

yipee !! big 17!

2005-11-28T21:09:00.000+11:00

MY birthday!!!!
hehhehe its my bday!!
yippee.. im 17!!
im sooo... er .. mature!!!* not gonna say the o word.
wow.. 16 was soo long ago!!!.. im one year closer to adulthood.. how whack!
the day was pretty good.. morning was kinda bad.. i spent an hour in kennedy getting a blodd test...then classes.. -_-.. then my english oral that didnt finish!!! and then more classes!!..haha i love school btw.finding out my family is having a huge dinner celebrating my bday.. WITHOUT ME!!!!!
then a HARD session of pump.. like have i gotten weaker i was shaking .,. the bar was sooo freakin heavy!!then my dnm dinner with joel.. thanks for the song by the by ! it was really sweet!
and catching my and arum trying to surprise me thou it happened the other way..
haha and getting a msg from dini!!!
yipee.. and my funny card by steph .. and like heaped of snakes by marr...
and like mass emails by houngz and dam!!! ok adam! u are the person who wished me the most!!!!!!! hahahhha
and my little sis call!!^_^
haha so pretty much it was an ok day that was really heaps fun coz of my friends!!
thnx guys!!!
love u guys so much!!!!!xoxox

i relate.

2005-11-26T21:50:00.000+11:00

"Because Of You"
I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself
Cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did,You fell so hard
I've learned the hard way
To never let it get that far

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of youI find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because I know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake
A smile, a laugh everyday of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of youI find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

I watched you die
I heard you cry every night in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry in the middle of the night
For the same damn thing

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I try my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you
I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you
I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty
Because of you
I am afraid
- because of you , kelly clarkson

exam weekend..

2005-11-25T19:34:00.000+11:00

wow..
its going to be an intense weekend.
im gonna study and study and study
and study..
whew
.. i went to the allergist yesterday..
im allergic to dustmites.. how weird!
okie study time!
O_o...

:)weekend & now

2005-11-22T19:29:00.000+11:00

wow the weekend was the goodbye to tin and rui..
to u guys - ill miss u so much.. for the little things and just being there.. its going to be weird.. but hey its not like im not gonna ever see u again RIGHT? coz i will.. one day and someplace!!! so ill see u then.. ill miss u guys though... as long as u never forget the good times at ggs!

tin - i really do like ur shirt! serious!.. im always gonna rem u as the other yr 11 in your study during vals day last yr...who passed me icq..the amazing designer .. and funny random stuff.. and the one who always beats me in foozball and air hockey.. ill miss u heaps..

rui- the guy who i knew as javs fren.. the one who called me up like at the middle of the night on my first day at yr 10 and was like wassup bitch?? and i was like WHAa??? and chicken and dancing and lots of dancing !!ill see u in spore yea? and we can hang out in other places insted of sentosa!

so thats the downside of the weekend .well the weekend was good coz i cleared a few things up :)
eg- mom abt drinking..
so now thats cleared!! and few other stuff.. which was a taboo subject b4 and now its good.. now its like a burden thats lifted of my shoulders and everything is way clearer and better than before.. so i guess u lose some u get some.!

miss moral..

2005-11-17T16:43:00.000+11:00

^_^
im happy !
ive been relly happy recently!
haha its obvious.. ^_^ .. but i guess theres downsides like always
like the tension of prefects and non prefects.. which today has died down heaps!!
WHEW!
but like i was talking to powell yest and she was saying its funny coz all the prefects are now miss morals..
its true!
its like now i have to take out the bin!!
argh how annoying.. i mean like just yesterday i was in my study happily late prepping.. it was slightly past the time.. and mar( hu was on duty ) went telling ppl to go to bed. and someone was like.. WELL kats still here..O_o... so i was like.. er.. okie .. i better on time next time.. or ppl will use me as an excuse for not doing my jobs properly.... an di have so much trouble remebering to take the bin out!...
and secondly i dun wan someone to use it against me,. like OMG she didnt do _________<- insert something here .. therefore she is irresponsible..etc..
Thats not cool!!!!
so with great power does come great responsibility eh?
i really have to be all perfect and organised to earn my prefect..
sigh.. this means actually doing my jobs.. and vacuuming,..bleah
and going to bed on time .. getting to assembly in the morninng dressed and on time.. no more running in with socks and shoes and everything and putting contacts in during assembly.. WHEW the pressure...
and jo was saying to me today to chill out and live life..
i am arent i?
hahaha this is my living.. if i went any slower... i would be bored !
when i was a kid my grandma told me rest is for the dead... i dunno if its to that extreme.. but im not wasting any living time.

OMG PREFECTS!!

2005-11-15T21:02:00.001+11:00

omg...
well yesterday we found out prefects ..
i was on duty that night .. and when ms dyer walked in as i was reading the bullitin.. i was like.. OMG... she is gonn aread the prefects and i was fully fuly nervous..
i fully couldnt pronouce braziers.. what is that anyway.. the whole house just laughed..
haha
anyway then she started a speech about prefects.. and she said that shes so happy about the group chosen this year .. and that teachers spent ages on it.. etc.. all this time i couldnt look at her..
she was right next to me.. i peeked over and i saw SUndays name on the sheet .. and i was like.. OH I KNEW THAT.. but then i was to nervouse to peek more..
i remember scanning the room .. all the yr 11s were staring at the carpet.. all as nervous and excited as ever ... and it was so cold and intense..i sat on my cold hands trying to cross my fingers and look as blank and expresionless ...
then finaly ms dyer was like okie.. so the prefcts of this year is ... and then she paused..
and i was like ARGH!H!H!HH!H...
just say it..
SUnday gullifer
Kat Harris.............YES?!?!?* yes i am prefect...YES.. omfg after i heard this i was like dazed.. i wanted to scream and laugh.. but didnt wanna let people think i was rubbing it in their faces.. so i just stared at the carpet, trying to hold the explosion..
and then i heard the other names..
liz defeg
annie salter
emma RE
amanda tsiang..
at this point i like looked over at the group.. and sneaked a look at amanda.. who was dazed.. and everyone was staring intently at their shoes ..
MArrisa Santikarn..
and lizzie G..
looking at themy yr grp from the 'readingfront seat' it was weird everyone just sat there and was dazed.. it was slow motion.. i dunno if i was smiling or what .. and then there was like a huge applause then vice was announced
Lex.. which followed by huge applause again then harriet.. and another applause.. then it died out .. and there was a huge silence.. i was still staring at my shoes.. and then i looked up and ms dyer was looking at me.. everyone was.. then i realised i had to tell them it was time to go..
how embarrasing.. i wonder how long that took.. i dunno .. anyway then at the end.. i dunno what happened .. i was in shock and i hugged everyone..!! all the prefects just hugged and fully ran about screaming^_^.. omg im still happy.... i dun remember being this happy in so long.. then the whole night i was like OMFG!!!!!!! and i just kept hugging.. then i sprinted to the phone and called mom.. whose first thing she said was Thank GOd, hallelujah.. and i guess its true.. ive prayed so freakkin hard for this.. i wanted prefecthood so bad!!!
and then i called my gma... ( hu btw is my 2nd parents almost) and her first words were something like the old man in spiderman.. something about great power comes with great responsibility kinda stuff.. telling me to study and stuff..
it still didnt dampen me thou.. the rest of prep was spent running from studies to studies.and hugging and just smiling.. i think i worked all my face muscles that last night..
i was on the ultimate high!!
then there was a comedown.. i was putting ppl to bed.. then i realised the tension of the people who didnt get prefects.. ther e are a few people who want it bad and didnt get it ,... and are angry i think.. i feel the tension and all the like slanty eye creepyness...
its just the start i guess..
BUT omg.. IM SO AHHOPPPPYY
i mean happy1!!!!!!!

OMG PREFECTS!!

2005-11-15T21:02:00.000+11:00

new shoes HurraH!!

2005-11-13T21:12:00.000+11:00

YAY!
i have new shoes!!!
hehehe gonna cross that off my wish list.
its so darn cute!!
its almost the same as lizzies wedges but cooler!!!
yipee !!
im happy coz i bought stuff this weekend
i feel so guilty .,., but happy
shoes.. top.. and jewellery from jes..
the jewelerry is the most ex. for what they are ..
but yea i like them!
anyway the weekend was good!
i went to steph wills place
btw her house is amazing.. its so old and cool.. like WOAH.. i wanna live in a house like that!!!
anyway so we went out for dinner at pinnochios at toorak rd
and like we were pretty late and not hungry.. anyway the group pretty much finished their meal by the time they arrived.. so i had gelati^_^
YUM
and then we walked arnd.. and went to strike
like haz.sarahmc.emmasouthernland (or whatever). shortie (dun know the real name) and me and stefW .. but we tried in 2s.. and they all got kb-ed and me and steph got in.
lots of crazy dancing
and then we felt bad and went to find them.. which ended up us waiting for AGES.. and then tried to convince the bouncers that shortie is 18..
which obviouslt he isnt.. i mean the name says it all .. ( not that i can say anything.. since im prttty vertically challenged..) but he had a bagpack. doi.
and then being to tired.. we went back to the welcoming FOXTEL.. but i feel alseep watching some silly kid show thingo..
and then today i shopped!!!!YAY!!!!!!!!!i bought my SHOES!!!!!
YIPEEE!!!!
im so happy
i love it when u buy somthing you want
^_^

whew!

2005-11-11T20:47:00.000+11:00

woah !
like my new layout??
i got it from blogskin.com
^_^ how cool is it?
but it took me half an hour to fiddle with the htmls to fix it...
specially trying to put the comments link and changing alot of stuff to suit me..
WHEw..
now i must officially be a nerd if i know to do this by html amazing!!!
bet you cant do that joel..
haha .. i should be doing work
but instead here i am..
i have quite a bit.. bleah..and this weekend im going to melb.. its going to be really different.. coz ive never stayed with this girl b4.. and we'r gonna some vce celebrate our yr 12 subject exams are over dinner .. only like 3 ibians there.. woah.. we are fully outnumbered!!
anyway update on this week.. this week was OFFICIALLY STRESS WEEK,
but i guess i learnt that no matter how hard and shhyt eveything is.. ull get through it no matter.. its just holding on .. and making u sure u finish it off clean. this week has been so draining..im glad its over!!! i made it through the week from the stress god..
like seriously.i think my hair is turning white..
i mean i was looking at the mirror in the bathroom while i was brushing my teeth.. and the reflection of my hair looked lighter than usual.. its not as dark as its supposed to be...haha maybe im a hyperchondriac, but seriously .. then the day after i had a wave of panic that i was balding then i realised that it was the light .. then i got a mosquito bite on my face and matey is like that is a stress sore!! and i was FCUk... then but it was so itchy and went down ..one night i had a dream that i woke up and fully was disorientated waking up again, that night i hit my head while turning [from stress???]..on the wall that sleep next to.. no joke at least 5 times each time waking up thinking we got bombed or somthing..
by the by .. the new name is PuFak.. how cool is it?
hahha
prefects are getting announced next week on monday.. the suspense is killing me!!!!
to all who wanna get prefect.. GOOD LUCK! hope u get all the positions you want.
i hope i do as well.im not gonna hide it :)
this new prefect thing just makes me realise tt the yr 12 r leaving..
weird.
i almost dont like change.. i hate goodbyes.. i wish we never needed to part with people uve grown to like and love.. thats y i believe in heaven i suppose.. coz how can it be that we spend our lives building relationships and then thats it, then we r alone..heaven or the concept of it anyway..means that we will mean again somewhere ..
i dunno how much of heaven in true.. but id like to believe it that way.
so ill be seeing yall in heaven.

i gotta learn to chill

2005-11-09T21:43:00.000+11:00

..sigh.. okie im chilled out now!! ^_^
im done some prep and im satisfied.. well theres still a heap to go.. ive only done a small portion to what i have to do.. but it feels good anyway..
im in one of those dreary sleepy moods.:) its so much better than the past few nights though..
last night i went babysitting .. with these crazy screaming kids
..
Remind me that when i don get kids,. the first thing they learn is that if they scream and do annoying things like on and off the vacuum cleaner.. they will be fed to the dogs. or maybe the bogey man..
i dunno..
i was watching brainiacs at the kids house and that show is soo wack.. english science mock documentries stuff.. like they tested what to take if ure in the office and suddenly theres a flood .. so the guy grabbed like his folders and checked if they float.... OBV not !!
and another was like a test to see if mangoes float..
another is like skimpy dressed buxom models blowing stuff.. and also a silly test..
something pretty cool is that shy and quiet people slivate more than confident people..
heheh
thats kinda funny..
and also i heard this thing from fran that i think is worth typing here..
god made a batch of people but the oven was too cold so people turned out white..
so he tried again.. but tuirned the fire up too high.. so people turned out burnt.. and so he tried again.. and this time they were JUST right..
and so he put them in the middle of the earth..
Hence..中国 ps.. literal meaning means can mean middle country..
but actually means china.
courtesy of the corn child!!

free.

2005-11-07T22:00:00.000+11:00

I HATE INEFFICIENT PEOPLE..
i am so annoyed..
my mom has failed me once again.
okay so ur busy and all i understand...but still ..
maybe its a sign.. maybe its a way of god saying this is the way to go..
but people should be efficient..i hte it when people do this i thought u knew,. or like the but u said this... and i know i didnt.. so y didnt u ask? Why didnt u check?? Its been weeks.. why didnt anyone tell me.. how can they assume i know if they dont tell me..
its not like everyfone call i make is a short rushed one.. i make give up time..
.. when i say ill call ill call.. but.. why couldnt anyone have told me? dont i have a say ?..
i cant wait to be free..

woah

2005-11-05T12:48:00.000+11:00

.. i was reading joels blog.. and i saw the nerd test thing..
...

how crazy..im a supreme nerd.
yipee

somethings really annoy me..

2005-11-04T21:29:00.000+11:00

steph to go to the tv room coz there was a really goodm ovie with hugh grant in it.. hu i think looks really good for an oldish man.. anyway.. it turnied out to be about a boy..
which i cannot take.. after 5 mins i had to leave.. its so slow and i dunno..
i cannot take it.. its annoying...
that boy with the bowl cut..he is so annoying.
another thing i cant take ar those birds that go UMMM or UMPHH

the chinese party was 2day.. it was so funny .. i made dumplings^_^
yum. i must have eaten like 50 .. ish..
and then after eating, there was a game and little performance.. which was funny
..and tthen some yr 12s had speeches ... and one of them went by everyone one by one and talked about themm.. its funny .. coz i cant wait till next yr.. and go by everyone and talk about themm
our chinese class is so chilled :) ..there
-JK ..who just joined and is totally doesnt care about working and somehow pulls it off, without laoshi getting mad..
-LL.. the quiet one who always sits by herself in the corner.. no not coz we are mean , but coz she wants to ,, and the only one doing chinese as a higher level subj.
-P .. hu is a source of amusement and tries really hard at work and is just so much fun..hahah and she just talks heaps
-FG .. the corn child..haha the only white girl in class and she does really well to keep up, shes soooo SMART
-AT..haha he just pays steph out and is so funny..and draws funny pandas..
-SL..she is the dinosaur of the class no joke.
-JL.. hu is prob the most advanced in chinese .. well cozx hes chinese..and hu always tries to steal my seat .. this is the person u wann sit next to during the tests..

the middle - jimmy eat world

2005-11-03T22:20:00.000+11:00

Hey, don't write yourself off yet
It's only in your head you feel left out or looked down on.
Just try your best, try everything you can.
And don't you worry what they tell themselves when you're away.
It just takes some time, little girl you're in the middle of the ride.
Everything (everything) will be just fine, everything (everything) will be alright (alright).
Hey, you know they're all the same.
You know you're doing better on your own, so don't buy in.
Live right now. Yeah, just be yourself.
It doesn't matter if it's good enough for someone else.
It just takes some time, little girl you're in the middle of the ride.
Everything (everything) will be just fine, everything (everything) will be alright (alright).
It just takes some time, little girl you're in the middle of the ride.
Everything (everything) will be just fine, everything (everything) will be alright (alright).
Hey, don't write yourself off yet.
It's only in your head you feel left out or
looked down on.
Just do your best, do everything you can.
And don't you worry what the bitter hearts are gonna say.
It just takes some time, little girl you're in the middle of the ride.
Everything (everything) will be just fine, everything (everything) will be alright (alright).
It just takes some time, little girl you're in the middle of the ride.
Everything (everything) will be just fine, everything (everything) will be alright (alright).

word of advice.

2005-11-02T18:44:00.000+11:00

haha i realised that my last 2 posts were like sad EMO ones.. (p.s learnt the word EMO few days ago.. it short for EMOTIONAL.. generally meant for emotional teennager with teen angst and black nail polish..) ..
but im not EMO ^_^
so on a brighter note..i was thinking.. i seem to be married to 20 odd girls in my crazy boarding house..everyone pretty much know everyone and their quirky habits.. u can pretty much finish off someones sentence.. and vice versa... its funny..
so i was thinking boarding school life fun but is tough its a dog eat dog world.... theres rules to live by..

1. Hygiene is SOO IMPORTANT!.. Even if you dont notice dandruff and stuff .. other people notice.. need i say more?

2. ALways name your styff..EVERYTHING... from pencils to clothing to your tub of yogurt.. if it smth important.. engraving is the best.. and sewing name tags and also when writing names on stuff.. use REALLy colourful language.. u need the get the message across.

3. Dont throw anything away.. someone always wants something.. its literally one mans trash is ones treasure.. even if its cheese that a week off.

4. When bitching make sure the door is closed.. coz sound travels much further than you think! and be wary coz the walls have ears and word travels fast ..

5. Always have back up food, somehow hunger pains come more often.

6.Dont steal people stuff.. karma will bite u in the ass.. and this is for real

7.Be friends with the right people.. people with the biggest tuck boxes..

8. ALways run when the supper bell goes.. RUn.. Drop everything and go. whatever it is less important than supper.. trust me.. when u know the bell is going to go at
9 o clock.. by 855 be outside the supper room, this way you will get the best seats with best food grabbing space.

9. When changing sheets, leave your dirty sheets in the middle of the room. eventually someone will take it down.. start a system of people taking it down.

10. ALways get bed sides with windows. it provides light and fresh air when theres the dorm stinks of morning breath

11. If you get a dorm mate that snores.. if you cant take it, always have some fluffy stuff toy withins hands reach and chuck it at them.. if that doesnt work.. ring their mobile.

12. Always start group dorm singing before bed, its funny and infuriates the next few dorms.. also it gives u a chance to sing crap songs like dui mian de nu hai kan guo lai and the song that doesnt end..

13. Know with jobs are easy and hard and the secrets of jobs, like sweeping dirt under the chair and stuff.

14. Try not to go into the toilet barefoot... its slimy and who know what else...

15. This is probably only for hermi girls. but when it gets dark, be careful which cubicle u go to coz the sky-light reflects like a mirror.. so about 4/5 of the cubicles can be seen if anyone looks up..

16. When going to the dining hall always be careful not to drop your tray.. this takes a bit of practise, walking and balancing all that food and drink on a tray, and looking out for obstacles..

17. During assembly, know where to sit.. thers specific year froup seating.. if u sit in a lower year groups seats .. your year group looks at you funny.. so will the lower group.. if you sit on an older year groups seat.. you will probably get beaten up.

18. REly on mateybut always keep an eye out for her.. she may be qualified but shes given me about 5 times medication that i am allergic to, if your anything like me, research what you can have and cannot have , and constantly remind her .

19. Wake people up by being uber happy and annoying..phrases i like are" GOOD MORNING STARSHINE! THE EARTH SAYS HELLO!!!"

20. Always wear sunscreen.

IF u live by these rules i can promise you , you will not die of boredom.. and bording school is suddenly really funny.

how far can i go.

2005-10-31T21:32:00.000+11:00

im worried that my hair willl all fall out coz i worry of anxiety and stress
i try to balance all my bubbles of ideals and wants, i keep trying to be everything and doing eveything..and it keeps bulding.. i cannot stop juggling my bubbles , and litt.. a littlee monkey in my brain keeps blowing new ones , with new ideals new ideas and new concepts.. i watch other people and y is it so easy for other people.. why do their bubbles seem so light.. why is mine so heavy.. so grass is greener on the other side, but i swear the field on my side has dies ages ago.
maybe i overexagerate.. i dunt know..
im tired.. i dunno what else i can do... even if i do.. i cant seem to run just that extra mile..

im healing

2005-10-26T20:49:00.000+10:00

u know how people say that you will heal in time?
i think i will.. but it sucks when it keeps spilting open before it fully heals..
and even when it does it leaves scars and itll be a scab till someone annoying picks at it.. i got this call on sunday it was like someone opened my wound.. and i was so confused.. i thought i was healed. but yesterday i figured out .. i am healed..
theres a scar and it just got pricked thats all.. like a big bruise that still hurts after ages. oh well..
i guess thats the way the world blows.
but its good to hear from that person again :) .. haha was weird thou.
anyway once again the week is passing at full speed
but today was like the year 12's last class day..they were like all so excited and happy.. ill be like that next year!!!
YAY
but its so weird cozs ill miss some yr 12s its so sad !! and like i dun wanna never see these people again.. so i better start getting address and other contacts..i dunno whats the chances of me bumping into thiem one day..
but i might.. the world is pretty small..

saddam hussien trial...

2005-10-20T16:12:00.000+10:00

i read abt saddam hussien in the papers..
how he refused to acknowledge the judges and stuff..
in a way its annoying in a way its kinda sad.. when the judge asked him who he was he refused to answer.. coz he said that he didnt need to firstly and secondly since he was president he didnt give permission for the trial and while the judge is asking who he is.. although he knows full well.. and saddam replying by asking what court this is and who authorized..eventhough he know full well..
and its sad.. in a way i feel sorry for him
even though he can appeal his case.. i dunno
i suppose i am not anyone to say anything.. i mean the papers may not be true and either way i wasnt affected by his tyranny so i suppose i am allowed to feel sorry ..
anyway homework calls..
NERD!0_0

spherical vision..

2005-10-18T21:23:00.000+10:00

on the weekend it was so chilled. i love having free time..
no the week has once again filled up..
and i almost threw up.

hopefully this works.

2005-10-11T21:28:00.000+10:00

href="http://www.microsoft.com/Windows/Downloads/Contents/Products/MediaPlayer/">Video' ? MediaPlayer Products Contents Downloads Windows www.microsoft.com http:>Video'>http://www.microsoft.com/Windows/Downloads/Contents/Products/MediaPlayer/">

Video provided by VideoCodes4U

my life is like soup.

2005-10-11T21:19:00.000+10:00

... feels like days are passing so fast.. well today did xcept double chem period..
i get so annoyed at people.. is my tolerance for people going down or smth?
days go by pretty fast... too fast.. its like im on some emotional prozac.. it pass so fast that im numb.. i dont feel days as i should..
strange..
and i need days to slow down.. i have too many things to do..
scary!!!
really... maybe thats y im afraid of growing up.. i afraid of unknown.. and taking risks.
i should go look for neverland.

term 4..

2005-10-07T21:05:00.000+10:00

i read in tins blog..
http://tintrungnguyen.blogspot.com
( p.s check it out)
some lonng quote about happiness but the only line that sprung into my just recently stuffed face..The truth is, there's no better time to be happy than right now...
which is true.. .. i cant wait for happiness to ofind me and stab me with its wand.. i shld find it myself.. now.. always!.. i guess.. in other ways.. just be positive?? haha.. i suppose.
positive.. i am arent i? .. welid like to be.. but when the going gets tough it gets harder and hharder to smile.. i have to make me happy.. think of the happy things.. ignore the bad stuff? .. but ignoring doesnt solve it yea? so maybe figure out the bad.. then dwell on the good...sweet.. i can do that... the glass is always half fulll not half empty.. easy!
anyway term 4 of my yr 11 schooling life has started.. how scary.. im almost yr 12.. which is almost 18 which is almost adulthood.. i am no adult. i am a child.. sigh.. its scary.. theres prefect choices going in right now.. i would have to put in an applicatiobn letter to dyers by next friday.. i think this is dumb.. how can u judge on a letter.. i suppose its like the real world.. but y bring the inevitable closer?i wanna be a prefect.. i really do.. im not power hungry or anything.. but i guess i just wanna do something.. i think the foundation of my thinking is to prove to other ppl what i can do..specially to the wider family.. whom all judge me.. so i gotta work to be able to look at them in the eye...Argh.. i wanna be a prefect!
haha maybe i should be a nice person.. like UBERnice.. like to rack up karma points .. karma hit me today.. good karma thou.. i was walking back to hermi from class and i saw in front of me the person.. she hu must not be named..
and i was like.. argh.. slow down so i dont have to talk 2 her..
and she turned back and saw me and kept walking .. and i was lik e.. okie...er...
HI....(________) and she was like hi..
and a really constipated convo happened till we wlaked back.. and then at the end she gave me food..
so i guess it all pays off right?.. i feel really bad that we (me and a few others) kinda was mean to her.. well okie we are scared off her.. so we avoid her like a plague.. but she doesnt get the hint.. ..shyt i sound so mean! but its hard to see from where i stand..
from my point of view.. i alwasy try and do that to understand ppl.. but SHE ANNOYS ME SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!
im sorry.. i dont want to .. but i just get so edgy when she arnd..
it helps when everyone feels the same way,.,.so im not the only biatch
......wow this is a long entry!!:)
yes!!!
i wonder if ppl actually read this.. my mom has and she told me last hols that she thinks im morbid and weird.
haha perhaps ..

golf season,....

2005-09-27T12:30:00.000+10:00

wow u know its been long when u have to try 4 different passwords to get to thi sblogger account.. i kinda keep pushing off this typing buisness.. but i guess i get it down on the average of a post every 2 months?? haha
anyway update of my wonderful life so far...*coff coff
i am horribly sun burnt ,, and no not the nicely olizy browned golden tan .. but the dark dry and PAINFUL kind .. like the kind that if anyone just touches my shoulders i think i would die... it looks gross too it looks and feels like old ppl skin.. obv the sun tanning variety.
anyway i got these cancerous things from playing golf on friday with my grandfather and sis.. it was a get-together reunion / a lets show off our golf skills.. when i say that i mean. lets show off my sis golf skills and humiliate my atheletic talent more..
i am really bad.. like i go for lessons and its all great till i go into the course and its CRAP like i lost like a mllion golf balls that game!! i lost heaps to the jungle and the lakes.. its rediculous.. but when the game is good its kind of fun..
holidays have been okie so far...not very eventful
and im trying to finish all my homework in time.. but its really hard to concebtrate and get motivated.. right now example.. i saw the pc and i was like hey.. this is more intresting than calculus!!
fun fun fun.. i wonder if ppl really actually work on the hols.. ppl say they do .. and dun eventually do it . or i do that.
im hungry.. i cannot wait for my hot steaming plate of jap food in an hours time..
so maybe the hols arent that bad